JOHN OGBILE OKPE

It's barely three days to the start of 2018, and though it may be difficult to imagine, we can't deny the glaring fact that another year is in the books. Thankfully, the start of a new year, also represents the opportunity for us to make 2018 the best year yet.

In January, a lot of us set up resolutions for 2017. Where are they right now?
Fulfilled? In Progress? Or totally forgotten?

It's quite easy to dump our resolutions along the first three months of the year if we don't have a clear plan for how to make them come to fulfillment.

You can't just say you want to imbibe the culture of saving if you don't have a clear plan of how to save and make it count. You may end up keeping money aside for when temptation arises rather than for the purpose you intended it.

You need a plan, thoroughly thought through. And that's why I want to advise you not to wait till January before making your plans. My mentor says ten months make a year. Successful people take stock of what has happened in their year in the eleventh month, and plan for the next year in the final month. So that by January, whilst others are waking up to plans, you are already setting yours in motion.

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If you hope to rise above and beyond your goals for the new year and make your 2018 the best year yet, some preparation is needed. These preparations are summarized below.

1. Review Your Last Year

It is important that you review the activities of the last year before moving to the next calendar year. Review your successes. Write them all down. Also, review the goals you didn't reach. Be honest with yourself about why you didn't reach those goals. It's is rewarding to examine what really went wrong, why and most importantly how to improve and move forward.


Taking what you've learnt in 2017 can help you in not only setting goals, but in also reaching those goals in 2018.

2. Set Goals for the New Year

This is perhaps one of the most discussed topics in the area of personal development, so I'm not gonna bore you with the same stuffs you already know. Since you are already aware of the importance of identifying and putting your goals in writing, it's time to do it for the new year, which is just around the corner.


Please note that it's absolutely okay if some of the goals you couldn't achieve make it to your list of goals in the current year. You also want to include new goals based on your experiences from the current year, or changes in your personal and career or professional life.

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3. Deploy "The 10 Goal Method"

This involves taking a sheet of paper and writing your 2018 goals along with the current dates across the top. You write down ten goals that you want to achieve in the next twelve months, as if you have no limitations. Use the guide below to achieve that:

- Write down your goals in the present tense as if you have achieved them. It is a special way of programming your subconscious mind to work 24hrs a day to make the goals come through.

For instance, rather than write: "I want to earn X amounts of dollars a year", write down: "I earn X amounts of dollars a year."

Always write it down as though you have achieved it.

- Write down your goals in the positive sense. For instance, rather than write: "I want to quit drinking", write down: "I am a non-drinker".

- Write in the personal sense. Each of your goals should begin with the word "I". This tells your subconscious mind that the command is coming from the home office, I mean from the headquarters. It can then better register and act on your goal.


When you set goals in the present tense, and in the positive and personal sense, it energizes your brain in helping you to achieve those goals faster and even automatically.

4. Prioritize a Single Goal

Ask yourself, what goal on that list of ten above that if achieved within 24hours will have the greatest positive impact on your life. Give it some thought, and when you arrive at an answer, circle off that goal. This specific goal then becomes your major. definite purpose. It also becomes your primary goal and your most important focal point in life.

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5. Make a Plan

- Transfer this primary goal to a clean sheet of paper.

- Attach a deadline to that goal faced like the goal itself. For instance, "I achieve this goal by this day".

- Identify the challenges you will face in achieving that goal.


- Know the skills you will need and the people who can help you to achieve the goal. Write them down.

- Organize this list in the form of plans. What do you do first, second and third.

6. Take Action Immediately

It's not just about "goal-setting", it's also about "goal-doing". Spend enough time on your goals. Instead of focusing on the end result, begin to track how much time you spend on your goal daily. Take action immediately, even if the action isn't significant. Take the first step.

The key to life is to decide what you want, make a list of the steps necessary and take the first step. You can always see the first step, and when you take the first step, you will see the second step, and when you take the second step, you will see the third step, and you can accomplish extraordinary things with this method.


Using these strategies will put you in a good place to achieve your goals and have the kind of year that you both desire and deserve.


Before I come to the conclusion of this post, I want to prescribe a personal retreat for you before the new year. Find time, a day or two, to reflect, and foreshadow.
Start working on your goals immediately. Don't wait till tomorrow, don't wait till an hour, do something now.

What worked this year? What didn't? What should happen next year? What shouldn't? How do you make things happen?

Work through it, and come to a conclusive end, and you will see how your 2018 will turn out to be.

December is not only for Hangouts, and Christmas celebrations. You can equally use it to get ready for an explosive year.

Remember, if you want to change your future, take action and take action now!


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JACK OF ALL TRADE, MASTER OF NONE

Back then, the chilly and dusty harmattan wind that blew up every kind of particle on the dusty ground of Oluyinka Dada Street, U-Turn, Lagos was a sign of good things to come. Then, the only thing on my mind was the Christmas clothes and toys. Those items that made me feel on top of the world! It didn’t matter if it was a rubber shoe or a plastic radio. Like every other kid in the neighborhood, I just wanted to “make Iyanga” marching through the brown earth.

There were no excuses of recession – if there’s one, I never knew– Christmas clothes must be ready! I cannot come-and-go and carry last in the presence of Ify, Frank, Chiazor and the other kids. Lai lai! (Never!)

READ ALSO: WHAT TO DO DURING THE PERIOD OF COURTSHIP

It was a time of eating unabated. Time to “drag” the chicken intestines; it was the only part we were allowed to eat before the other parts were served. We had to go through the rigours of cleaning it up ourselves. Afterwards, we threw it into the pot to boil with the other parts. When it was ready, we'd run to a corner of the house and sentence the chicken’s intestines to everlasting judgment in nature’s warmer.

The memories of how mother killed a bird which will later jerk back to life is still very fresh in my memory. It's just like it happened yesterday. I have never seen a scene like that before or after that time. It happened on the eve of Christmas, in the evening around past 4.00pm. We were all gathered in the kitchen when it happened. We witnessed as mother's knife cut deep into the bird's neck. There's no questioning that. We saw blood gush out from it's neck and also witnessed an end to it's long resistance as it lay lifeless on the big bowl. But something happened! As soon as mother poured the hot water (which had been boiling minutes before the bird met with the knife) on the seemingly lifeless bird, it jerked back to life and sprinted a little round the kitchen before mother caught up with it and a more proper and final job was done. It was quite an emotional moment. I still remember and imagine that scene up till this day whenever I witness the killing of a bird.

Before the day, I and my friends will plan the houses to visit and the shortest routes to them to “dash” us money! Those were the times I became a geographer, giving the direction to every house; a time manager, allotting the amount of time to stay in a particular place; an accountant, sharing the “dashed money” with other kids; a good child, because I obeyed the GOLDEN RULE from MAMA: “Thank you ma, we have eaten” even though it was sometimes disobeyed due to the worms running marathon in my stomach; embarked on another Great Trek, with the kilometers covered (even the Great Trek is a played-down comparism to my Christmas visitation).

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“Seek ye first the money and other gifts will follow” that was the code engraved in our hearts then. Once the crisp naira notes were handed to us, it didn’t matter what came next. The owner of the house will forever have his name starched in our hearts when he hands over glittering wads of mint to us. Mr. Dada the Mortician was our best friend: aside handing us the much desired naira notes, he'd also treat us to a very nice meal.

Those were the ones that knew WASSUP. Blessed are they because even Christ, the reason de’tairre for the season, said that it is not good to throw the children’s meat to the dogs!

Abi nor be so Bros J talk am? Lol


We didn't know Santa. Santa was for folks staying in the rich neighborhood. What we knew was "Father Christmas"....

... But "Father Christmas" was not so generous. He would come to our schools to give gifts to only those who payed for those gifts. Lol

So the money we gathered up from neighbors came in handy. We used part of the money to buy 'knockout' and others to gamble for balloon (we always eyed the biggest one, but I don't know why no one ever wins it. If you know, help a brother, biko!)

READ ALSO: BUSINESS LESSONS FROM #ON2017 & #Baad2017

Of course, there were those who just didn’t show that it was time for the season. They wore long faces looking like a Yoruba masquerade known as EGUNGUN! Even when they faked happiness when we say welcome at the door. Once they told us “E PADA WA NI ODUN TUNTUN” (COME IN NEW YEAR), we knew that our village people have succeeded!

That New Year ran like a snail and when it came, it only ended in locked doors with statements that touch the heart like: "I have done Christmas for everybody with the money I had, why didn’t you come then?"

Las las, if-you-too-argue, they'd tell us: “You guys should come during Easter!” But thunder was rare then, we didn't know much about it, unlike now. We would have sent one from the Head Bridge to do the needful. Hehehe

Watching the older males in their baggy jeans and boots, and the females regaled in their flowing dress sharing "Christmas Rice" from door-to-door capped the beauty of the Christmas season. More so, the ever-melodious sounds from Tony Tetuila and Olu Maintain (Hip Hop Kings of those days), accompanied by the rhythmic dancing steps (which are now old school) and the dust it generated, were all testament to the season.

Oh, how can I forget how Ode almost got drowned and swept away by the raging waters of Kuramo beach. How lucky is Mr. Okey? Oh, very lucky! Had the boy drowned that day, the kind hearted and clear conscience man would have been accused of taking the young boy to the beach for rituals. Typical African conclusion!

As I sat, scribbling this piece, I can only reaffirm the biblical assertion that “there is time for everything!

Even though my mum is still “keeping” some of the money I made then, as per bank CEO, and wouldn't return it till Jesus comes, Christmas as a child was fun filled. I don’t know about you!


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As a little boy I loved NOODLES. Well, we all loved noodles... My favourite brand was INDOMIE. I loved slopping up long strands of noodle into my mouth. I loved the way it felt.

I wasn't born with a silver spoon. We didn't always have the luxury of eating noodles in my house at all times. As such, whenever mom came back home with a cartoon full of noodles, I would be extremely excited.

READ ALSO: LESSONS FROM EBUKA'S AGBADA

Then one day something happened that killed that excitement. Mom was particular about the number of packs we were supposed to prepare so as not to waste "her noodles".

(Yes exactly, "her noodles". Mums believe that everything in the kitchen belongs to them. Lol)

She would allocate two medium size packs to me and three medium packs to my three big sisters.

"Mummy! Abeg you fit add me two extra packs to this one?" I wailed into her ears in pidgin English.

(We were not really the sophisticated type, so we communicated mostly in Pidgin English or Yoruba)

"No, the two don do you. You nor go fit finish three or four", she replied sternly.

"I go fit o! Abeg add me two more now", I broke into a fake cry just to manipulate her to give me those extra packs, being the renowned Olojukokoro (Oliver Twist) of the house back then.

READ ALSO: HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Yes! It worked. She added the extra packs of noodles to the one's I already had, making it four packs in total. Boy! I was excited. Parts of the benefits of being the last child; you get to always have your way anytime, anyway and any day you want.

I turned on the stove and started to cook. In minutes the noodles was ready for munching.

When I brought the pot down and saw how big the noodles was, I became scared. Oh boy, I was damn scared!

Why was I scared?

Because I had had a deal with mom. Prior to giving me the two extra packs, she had warned that if I couldn't finish it, then she would give me 12 sound strokes of her KOBOKO. Typical African mom; they hate wasting resources.

READ ALSO: REDEFINING RELATIONSHIP

So, there was mom sitting calmly with her KOBOKO by the side waiting for me.

Here was I looking at the pot of noodles and coming to terms with the fact that I won't be able to finish it just like mother had predicted.

Slash! Warp! The KOBOKO landed on my back, accompanied by a left hand slap. Oh, I learnt my lesson that day.

The rest is history.

MORAL
It is WISDOM, when you learn to control your impulse. Acting out of impulse or excitement is FOOLISH. Spend time analyzing and evaluating a decision before you step out on it.

Understand the end from the beginning. Have a plan B, C, D through to Z.

Acting based on impulse will block your mind from seeing what could go wrong. And once you can't see this, you can't prepare a contingence plan.

Always look and count the cost before you LEAP.


READ ALSO: BUSINESS LESSONS FROM #ON2017 & #Baad2017

A few days ago, a young man from my country named Ebuka wore an “Agbada” to his friend’s wedding and it broke the internet in Nigeria.

Oh, just in case you are wondering who this young man is, Ebuka Obi-Uchendu is a Nigerian lawyer and media personality from Okija in Anambra State, Nigeria. He is mostly known for hosting the reality show Big Brother Naija, the long running Rubbin' Minds Talk Show on Channels TV as well as co-hosting The Spot and Men's Corneron Ebonylife Television.

For viewers outside Nigeria, an Agbada is a traditional attire worn by Yoruba men to formal events.

For a long time, the Agbada has not gone through any real form of innovation. People have just been wearing the same designs from time immemorial, and we have all just accepted it like that...

... Until Ebuka wore an Agbada designed by Ugo Monye to Banky W and Adesua Etomi's traditional wedding ceremony.


READ ALSO: 7 BOOKS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER READING BEFORE 2017 RUNS OUT


Everybody was talking about it and they are still talking about it.

I however learnt a lesson from this story (as usual... Lol).

You see, I’ve once heard about the designer of the Agbada from a friend. I’ve heard how he has built his brand consistently over the years. I've also heard he is a very good designer who is very particular about details and who has an eye for style. He is even making money, he has a flagship store in Lekki Lagos, but his brand name was not among the big names we hear on Social Media.



So one day... Ebuka wore one of his products, and it broke the internet. Yes! It broke the internet in Nigeria.

All of a sudden, everybody wanted to know who the designer was and his Instagram followership grew by over twenty thousand in 3 days.


Amazing, isn't it? Hmm....


READ ALSO: WHAT TO DO DURING THE PERIOD OF COURTSHIP


You reading this article, just be building your business and brand ohhhh.


Face Front.


Focus on your passion.


Focus on what you are building.


Keep delivering First Class service.


Don’t worry about whether your business has been recognized among the big names, or whether you have gotten any award or whether your popularity is not as high as you would like it to be.


Your time is coming!


READ ALSO: HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP


Whether it's graphics you design, or perhaps you are a stylist, keep those services you render First Class. Don't worry if you are not a household name just yet. You just keep delivering value with your designs and products. Someone will rock those designs someday and promote your work, like Ebuka promoted Ugo Monye's design.


Your time is coming!


I know it sounds easier said than done, and I even have to remind myself of this all the time when I realise that I have started comparing myself with other people.


Comparison has never brought me joy.


I have realized that my path is different.


What I’m building is different.


My journey is different.


My struggle is different.


My time of recognition will also be different.


All I’m doing now, is just to focus on this thing that I’m building.


One day, I’m going to blow... and it is the work that I’m doing now, that everybody will see.


I will share the stories of the lives that have been impacted because they came in contact with me...and that’s what everybody will see.


READ ALSO: 5 REASONS WHY DATING IS NOT THE SAME AS COURTING


I will share the platform I used to impact lives, and it will be my current work at The Elite Academy.


The point here is… it is not when I blow that I will start creating my capacity building courses or building my brand or organizing summits, conferences and workshops.


These things are already existing and they are the products that the world will one day discover.


And don't be tempted, not even for a second, to quote that very popular religious line that says: "one day of favor is better than eight years of labour or hustle." Like you, I also believe in the grace and favor of God, but I also believe in diligence and hard work. The eight years are as important as the one day, cos' you don't learn that craft in one day. Too often, folks miss the plot by constantly chasing the "one day" instead of building themselves up for "the day". Ugo Monye is already well positioned to handle the blow out. So keep building and developing yourself. Your time is coming!


So my friends, where is your business?


Where is your brand name?


What are you doing now that can position you for the top?


How hard and smart are you working right now?


Do the work and every other thing will follow. Remember, we don't wait to prepare in the future, we prepare in the present for the future. The future will only open up for us based on what we are doing right now in the present.

Keep working, and like Ugo Monye, your time will come!


READ ALSO: REDEFINING RELATIONSHIP

At the beginning of this year, I set a personal goal to read 52 non-academic books by the end of the year; one every week. Four days from now, I will have finished reading my 41st book for the year.

Phew!!! Not an easy task especially for a final year Engineering student who has a project to work on, and loads of other engineering materials to study.

What a wonderful year!! Many things will happen for those who decide to stretch.

My best quote for 2017 is by Earl Shoaff, Jim Rohn's mentor, he said: "set a goal for what it would make of you to achieve it."

Anyway, the intent of this post is to recommend 7 books that you should read before the year runs out.

Mind you, these suggestions are highly subjective and your discretion is strictly advised.

In no particular order, here you go:


1. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker

T. Harv Eker explains how you too can master the inner game of money so that you will not only achieve financial success but keep it once you have it.  This book changed my philosophy about riches and wealth. I now have a millionaire mind. Do you?


2. Goals by Brian Tracy

Read this book and you'll never remain the same. Brian Tracy talked about how to set goals and achieve them effectively. Check it out.


3. David & Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

There's an advantage in every disadvantage. What if I told you that the story you read about David and Goliath is not complete? You can get the full gist and more in this book.


4. The Law of Success by Napoleon Hill

The writer of the classic, "Think and Grow Rich" has got a lot of wisdom penned down in this book. A good read I must say.



5. How You Can Be Led By the Spirit of God

In this book, Rev. Kenneth Hagin explains step by step guidance through the Scriptures to steer Christians away from spiritual pitfalls and help them to follow the Spirit of God in every area of life. You also get to learn how the conscience, the inward witness, prophecy, visions, and training the human spirit really works. In a world where many voices are trying to gain our attention, I highly recommend this book to everyone who is seeking to make the right choices in life.  Superb read!


6. The Richest Man in Babylon by George Classon

In the book billed as "the Bible of financial freedom," George Classon shares a timeless set of principles through a collection of parables set in ancient Babylon. His goal, to provide insight to "those who are ambitious for financial success," is achieved through simple financial story telling. This book teaches straightforward lessons that aim to show that the secret to wealth building are unchanging and remain applicable throughout history. Check it out.


7. Understanding the purpose and power of men by Myles Munroe

The male is in crisis. Traditional roles once gave men stability and continuity from generation to generation. Today, the world is sending out conflicting signals about what it means to be a man, leading to many men questioning who they are and what roles they fulfill in life--as a male, a husband, and a father.

Are you feeling frustrated as a man and living far below your potential? Do you want to regain your authenticity as a man? This is the book for you. A good read I must say!


I'd advice that you do not limit your 4-5years in college to reading only your course books, because life is more real outside the four walls of a college. Most times, what we learn at school or formally may not necessarily be applicable in the real world, and the experiences we go through and learn from in the real world cannot be taught at school. So, it would really be naive to think that things learned at school should dictate the way you lead your life. The idea is, don't let school get in the way of your education.

I think it was Mark Twain who said the famous line, “don’t let school interfere with your education.” I actually do know it was Mark Twain who said that, because I just googled it. Lol, Google is a pretty good invention sometimes.

So, what are you waiting for?
Let the books in that library be opened!!
Be intentional about your personal development!!!

Luk 14:28: "For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?"

This scripture explains perfectly the purpose of courtship. In courting, you sit down and count the cost.

You just can't go willy-nilly into something and hope for the best. Well, you can, no one is stopping you, but it's a good idea to have a solid plan. There is some very important groundwork you should lay before getting into a committed relationship with someone.

Most times, we are unable to do a thorough groundwork during the period of courtship for a whole lot of different reasons based on each individual. Perhaps, maybe because of some misconceptions we have grown up with. Lets quickly look at some of these misconceptions about courting.

1. Courting is not the same as dating. When you court there is an intention to marry

I have met ladies who say: "I'm not ready to marry him, just trying to gain experience."

There are many things wrong with that statement and I will show you why.

A.) Whoever you are dating now will be 90% different from who you will be getting married to later. They are different people with different experiences.

READ MORE HERE: 5 REASONS WHY DATING IS NOT THE SAME AS COURTING


B.) It will cost you --- you will spend your money, your time, your energy and your resources in something that's going no where. If you are a good entrepreneur you know that's bad business.

C.) If you get your heart broken in the process, that's heart ache you could have avoided.


2. Being in a Christian courtship does not mean you must end up marrying each other

Some folks believe that if you are in a relationship with a man, it means you must marry him and when things don't go that way they begin to raise their heads.

You court to know if that person is suitable for you spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically. When you have completed your observations, you and your partner can then move into proposal and engagement. Now, you are sure that he is the one you want to settle with and he can put a ring on it.

I have observed over the years that many Christians in courtship are under pressure of leaving a hurtful/unproductive relationship because of what people/church members/pastors/ will say/think or how people will see them. It's not mandatory that you marry them if they are not suitable for you. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.


3. Courtship is not a time to check how well he can perform in bed

My dear, don't turn yourself into a public toilet where anyone can come and ease himself and go.

Apart from the spiritual implications of this act, there are many physical implications too. It's better to obey God and abstain.

There are many other misconceptions about courting, but I will stop here so we can address the subject of this post.

You see, the purpose of courting is to know the person you want to marry. To have an understanding of the man or woman. To count the cost. In other words, there are things you ought to cover in order to get that groundwork for your relationship properly laid down securely.


So, exactly what should you do before you get into a committed marriage relationship with someone? Here are a few:


Look Out For The Right Things

Most of us lack foresight. We are looking for tall dark and handsome. Open teeth and dimples, V-shape and figure-8, when we ought to be looking for treasures in earthen vessels. We really should stop majoring on the minor, and lookout for those things that matters most.

David and Faith Oyedepo

The photo above is one of the old photos of Nigerian Christian author, architect, preacher, founder and presiding Bishop of Living Faith Church Worldwide- Bishop David Oyedepo and his wife. Did you see how he was looking there? But there is something that woman was seeing. She was looking beyond their present state.

Today, Bishop Oyedepo pastors a 50,000-seat church auditorium, reported to be the largest church auditorium in the world by the Guineas Book of Records, and he is also the chancellor of Covenant University and Landmark University. He was named in 2011 by Forbes Magazine as being the richest pastor in Nigeria with a net worth of US$150 million.

There is a popular and funny saying in Nigeria that, "When a woman rejects a man of vision and accept a man with television, she will end up watching the man of vision on her own husband's television."

Please don't get this saying all wrong. Is it possible to find a man that has both packages (vision and television)? Yes, it is very possible. The saying only seeks to encourage people to look for something deeper in a man or a woman.

Serita and T.D Jakes

How you also heard of how pastor, author, filmmaker and Bishop agt The Potter's House, Bishop T. D Jakes started? Looking at the photo above, some ladies would probably have said a capital "NO" if the Bishop had asked them out at that time. This underscores the very importance of not judging a man by his pocket, but by the size of his vision. Why? Because where a man is going in life is more important than his present condition.

What about gospel music maestro; Nathaniel Bassey? From the religious, to the political, to the business and to the sporting worlds, the list of men and women who rose above their present condition to become something great in life is endless.

During courting, we need to ask God to open our eyes to see the treasures he has hidden in our partner. Life is more than open teeth, pink lips and dimples. A word is enough for the wise.

READ ALSO: REDEFINING RELATIONSHIP

For those of you who have found your man or woman, don't be a carnal spouse, be a spirit filled one. Help groom those beautiful qualities in your partner. You are supposed to make him better. He is supposed to make you better.

Let him have the confidence to tell you his plans because he knows you will be his personal cheer leader.

Pro 27:17: "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."

If you have not been doing that, it's not too late to start now.


Ask The Right Questions

Courting is a time to get to know about each others purpose, plans and life assignments, and this can easily be achieved when we ask the right questions.

During courtship, you learn about who you want to marry. It is about open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about marriage -- you court in order to see if there is any reason why you shouldn't get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage.

Please, do not condone laziness and bad attitudes in a bid to look beyond the present state of your partner. If they are not willing to change, you have to do what's needful.

In Matthew 10:16, we are told to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. Don't be blinded and carried away by his vision mission statement; if he isn't taking an action step towards the actualization of his vision everyday, you need to ask questions.


Ask deep questions about each other and the future. Questions like:

- What is your short term, middle term, and long term plans? How do you plan to achieve this?

- What are your spiritual and financial goals? What are you doing to accomplish them?

- How many kids would you like us to have? What happens when the kids don't come on time?

These are some of the questions you should be asking in your relationship. A man without a means or source of livelihood and who isn't working hard to get one isn't worth your time. That's laziness and you mustn't condone it. I'm not saying you should marry because of money, but marry where money is.

Remember, the period of courtship is the bridge to the stage of engagement. Be wise in counting the cost.


READ ALSO: HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

I fell again the third time, this time, with my face on the ground. I struggled to get up, but I couldn't. It was in the middle of the night, and no one except me, knew the hard time I was going through in my room. The night was full of fury and agony. I cried silently. I was too ashamed to tell anybody what I had done. In my lonely room, I cried. The room seemed to give me an attentive ear. It gave me the convenience to pour out my heart.  I felt it could hear the voice of my prayers.

I tried to stand again, but I couldn't.  The pains from my lower abdomen felt like somebody had breach the connection between my abdominal cord and my life. The pain was so furious, I couldn't understand why. I had never felt such pain before, It was worst a thousand times than the menstrual pain. Even child birth was nothing close to it.

I cried still, the bed could not contain me, so I rolled to the ground. The ground too felt cold, and it pierced hard into my skin. It was not helping my situation. I needed warmth, but I couldn't find one. I felt abandoned. But, just when I rested on the ground, the pains left me. I felt relieved. Just when I was about saying a prayer of relief, it started again.

READ ALSO: HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

I cried my eyes out. I cried like a baby. The pain became stronger than I expected. It became unbearable. I pinched my mattress hard as if it would free me of the pain, but it wouldn't.  I cried the more, but quieter. I could not tell anyone. I was afraid of the reaction I would get  in return. The pain got angrier, it was waging a war from the inside, but the angrier it was, the more I regretted my actions. "What I felt was hidden would now be seen in broad day light" I thought.

I held my peace. I could feel my heartbeat; it was pumping hard and fast, but I lay still on the ground as though, if I moved, it will alter the reaction. Just when it was quiet enough, I saw my life flash before my eyes.

He was the only boyfriend I ever had. I gave him my love and my all. I loved him desperately, so I was ready to make any sacrifice for that love. I gave him my body, in exchange for his faithfulness. I didn't want much in a man; silver, gold or diamonds were easily affordable and disposable, all I wanted was a man who gave me his confidence, a man who was ready to give up all he had for me, and me too, for him.

But I was too foolish of myself to get carried away by mere feelings coupled with emotions. He lied to me, he broke his promises. You see, you test a good man by how much he can stay. You test a good thing by how much it can last.

But he did the unthinkable. Yes! The unthinkable --- He left!!! The moment I broke the news to him, I could see contempt and agitation written all over his face, but he said nothing. He waited for me to finish, and the moment I was done speaking, the last and only word he said was, "Get rid of it!" And that was the last time I heard from him; he disappeared into thin air. I just couldn't imagine how and why he could do that!


I couldn't risk the chance of nurturing a child soon.  I was not ready, I needed to balance my life first. I dreamt of a kind of life; the "graduate-get-a-job" kind of life. But all of those dreams was seeming to be a fairy tale.

I couldn't stand the disappointments from my parent. What about the criticisms from the society? The church, at school.... everywhere! I was not ready to make myself a laughing stock.

LOOKING TO HARNESS THE FUTURE RIGHT FROM THE PRESENT? HOW TO BUY THE FUTURE WILL SHOW YOU HOW.

No girl dreams to have a bulgy stomach out of wedlock. I was so afraid to discuss it with anyone. But then, an idea popped into my head. It seemed to be the only option to free me from the bad news. An idea that would change my life forever.

I decided to try the traditional method. It seemed to be the cheaper, faster and easier method. No injections or tablets, only herbs. I felt convinced it would work. I just wanted to deal with the problem once and for all. I did the mixtures myself after taking serious tutor from the herbalist. It smelt bad... as if I was going to choke, but that wasn't my concern, I could endure the smell.

I lost count of the mixtures. Most of them I couldn't identify. It tasted hot and sharp. I imagined how girls felt convenient taking these mixtures on several occasions.  If I had my way, I wouldn't take it, but unfortunately, that was the only choice I had.



The only way I could eventually take the mixture was to block my nostrils with two fingers from one hand, so that the odour does not discourage me. I eventually gulped the mixtures as fast as I could, at the count of three. It had the most awful taste. Even the alcohol added to it did not reduce the bad taste. It tasted bad, I nearly threw up. But I've been warned by the herbalist not to, or I'll start the process again. The moment was sour.  The herbalist who sold the herb promised it would work faster and conveniently on empty stomach, which I did.

It wasn't up to five minutes after I took the herb, that my stomach started rumbling. It felt like there was a clash of the titans in my stomach. The herbalist actually told me to expect that, so I wasn't too worried. I waited patiently. I waited and waited but the rumbling did not stop. I started stooling. I ran to the toilet. I ran there again and again. Then I felt weak. Just when the toilet had drain everything from me, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach.

The pain continued for like thirty minutes, after taking the mixtures. I endured the pain, but I promised myself that once I got out of the situation, I'd never smell a man near me, not to talk of getting pregnant. While waiting for the whole process to come to an end, I realized that all the while I got myself into the mess, my conscience did not judge me. I felt sad. I had already sold my soul to the devil. My conscience was dead. Why wouldn't it occur to me that I'm attempting the murder of a child? That wasn't my problem as at the moment, my problem was inside of me, and I needed to get rid of it. I was still lost in thought when I was hit by another sharp pain. And that was how I fell to the ground.


So, in that room. I felt hell on earth. The pain kept increasing by the moment. I started sweating profusely. My head ached, I felt disturbed and uneasy. My body was not at rest. The pain was so unbearable. I kept enduring. It was since 12:00am when I took the mixtures that night, and even till 2:15am at the moment, I had not gotten any rest. My eyes were wide opened.  Sleep ran out of my eyes that night. While everyone where resting, I was restless. It made me sad the more. I cursed the day I had sex with him.

The sweat increased.  All of the pains I bared alone. I was told it was okay to terminate a pregnancy I wasn't ready for, but "Nobody ever told me that terminating a pregnancy was this difficult", I muttered. I wish I did not get pregnant in the first place.

I gnash my teeth hard to hold the pain, but it could not contain me. After stooling and throwing up for the third time. I felt light and empty. I was weak too. Then all of a sudden, I started bleeding. I bled all over. The blood looked thick and dark. It was so painful. I had to change my under wear and attach a sanitary pad. The whole thing suddenly started happening fast. I needed help. I was extremely helpless, but I had to do it myself.

I bled so much I had to change the sanitary pad four times in thirty minutes. Afterwards, I had to attach two sanitary pad at once. I could not contain myself. I was so afraid.

The kind of blow that hit me from the inside the last time made me scream. I screamed at the top of my voice that I couldn't hold back the noise. I called out for mum. I called and cried hoping someone would hear me.  I shouted and rolled on the floor. I could not stand up. I kept crying and screaming. The pain and the blow kept coming at the same time. My feet began to shiver, the palms of my hands felt cold. For a second, I felt numb too. It was as if I had partial stroke.

I screamed the third time, this time with my hands held firmly to my stomach. It continued with its blows. The bleeding did not stop. I felt it pumping out of my system like a gushing water. I couldn't control it. Just then, Mum ran in. I felt totally numb on the ground. She ran close to where I was, I tried to speak, but I couldn't.  She tried to lift me up, but when she did, my feet could not hold me. I could see her helpless, she was saying things I couldn't recognize. She found the remnants of the mixtures beside my bed. I could see the shock on her face.


Mum was running to and fro. She took her phone, and seemed to be dialing numbers. She ran back to me. Held me close to her chest and wept. I wanted to weep with her, but just then, everything suddenly started moving slowly..... then blurry.... and cold.

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I tried to speak again, but I couldn't. My throat felt as though it was tied.  I could not move, I was nailed to the ground. Everything seemed to be fading away. I started feeling sleepy, but mum was shaking me, she was preventing me. My eyes were heavy. I really needed the sleep, seeing that all through the night, I could not find one. I tried to open my eyes, but I could not fight it. Everything became slow, suddenly, it became quiet, and then it became dark.

I did not see or hear anything any more. Everything suddenly felt quiet. I was passing away. And then, it was over.


Thou daughter of priestly, has it occurred to you that you just committed murder, in cold blood? What you have done has caused a stigma in your generation. You may not escape the consequences after all. But think about the curse reigned upon the unborn.

Terminating a pregnancy no matter how early sets you at risk. It's always a 50-50 chance or both. The line between life and death is so thin and transparent.

Thou daughter of Adam, don't do it when you know you shouldn't. Waiting is not a disease. Why you have sexual urge and stimulations explains how active your sexual life is. If only you can wait, you'll prevent a lot of "unforseen" accidents.

Say No to pre-marital sex!
Say No to pregnancy out of wedlock!!
Say No to Abortion!!!


DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Events and incidents are products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.


READ ALSO: THE MIDNIGHT VISITOR

I think it's a pretty safe assumption to say that we all desire to have a relationship that is filled with happiness, joy, and — most importantly — love.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we’ve been exposed to so many unhealthy relationships in our lives that we don’t know what a truly healthy relationship even looks and feels like.

A healthy relationship is one that is founded on godly principles... And while this is not a very popular definition of a healthy relationship, especially in the 21st Century when morals and values are fast descending into the abyss and folks are trying so hard to kick God out of the scenes, I stand by it. When godly principles are considered in a relationship, every other thing like happiness, joy, communication and love naturally falls in place.

Communication, respect, consensus, being supportive to one another, time factor, etc, are some of the characteristics of a healthy relationship. Over the years, an excellent job has been done in this regard, so I'm really not gonna bore you with the same things you've gotten yourself acquainted with over the years.

I only wish to return us back to the basics. We all know how practically impossible it is to build a skyscraper on a weak foundation. In Psalms 11:3, the Bible says: "If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?". This underscores the very importance of laying the correct foundation for a thing...  This basic foundational principle for a healthy relationship isn't new. Perhaps it is so old that it might be new to us.

Having a healthy relationship starts with building your relationship on godly principles. This is the primary stage, and although this is often ignored, it is nonetheless the surest way to a healthy relationship. Creating time for one another, not compromising, being supportive and the others are all secondary.


Let's look at some practical tips that can help us have healthy relationships founded on godly principles.


1. Avoid Fantasy

Most people if asked, would deny that they'd ever had a fantasy relationship, but in this modern age of the internet and romance novels, it's never been so easy to find yourself in a crumb filled fantasy relationship.

The bad thing about fantasies is that they never get to manifest in real life; they only remain in the fantasy world.


Fantasy can lead us to choose romantic partners for the wrong reasons. And even if we choose them for all the right reasons, our devotion to our fantasies can eventually lead us to destroy any real sense of connection.

Desiring a man with the TDH (Tall Dark and Handsome) factor is good, but don't miss out on God's plan by sticking to it.


2. Avoid Pretence

What you don't want to continue don't start. A lot of couples pretend that everything is okay, or even great, in their life and/or relationship when in fact it is not. To build a healthy relationship founded on godly principles, we must be truthful and sincere.


Usually what you do in courting follows you into marriage. This is where you build your foundation.

Also, whatever you don't like in your relationship, don't endure in hope that it will change later, because it may not. Deal with it now.

Don't start off trying to be the most virtuous woman he has ever met. Be yourself. I'm not saying don't improve on yourself. I'm saying don't try being what you are not in other to impress him.



3. Sex Talk

A.) Talk About Sex

If you are old enough to get into a relationship, you are old enough to talk about it.

B.) Be Decisive

No sex before marriage. Have it established and agreed upon between both of you before you start the relationship.

I don't care how spiritual or unspiritual he is, make your stand on the matter clear from the beginning. If you shy away from it there are no rules, and if there are no rules, then anything goes.


You can go as far as saying "The day you attempt to touch me, this relationship is over!"

It is permitted.

"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4)

If you have missed it, God does not condemn you. Receive forgiveness and live right to honour God.

Most young ladies make the mistake of giving sex to keep a man. But I tell you the truth under God, A man who loves you will stay whether you give him sex or not. If he does not truly love you it does not matter how often you give sex. If he wants to leave, sex will not stop him.


I know a sad story of a lady who had dated a guy for a couple of years. She had already met his family. He started to act differently. He had been pressuring her for sex but she had been refusing. Since he began acting differently, she finally gave in. That was the end of the relationship. He ran out of the relationship as though someone was chasing him.

The point I'm trying to make is sex does not keep a man. Oh yes it doesn't. Forget about the things you see on soap operas and on novels. They should not be your model of a healthy relationship. They are just a veneer, they can't hold water.

C.) Set Healthy Boundaries

Why is this so important? You studied it in biology. It's called hormones. And as I like to say it: "don't tempt the devil". Set healthy boundaries.

No good Christian man or woman started his marriage with his mind made up to cheat and ruin his home. No Christian man or woman in a relationship planned to sin against God. Usually when you ask them they say, "I don't know how it happened."

Its very simple actually. They did not set healthy boundaries.


Below are few tips for setting healthy boundaries in a relationship.

- First Tip: no touching and kissing

This should be clearly defined. There should be no romance of any kind.

Some one once asked me, "If God's word forbids that we have sex before marriage, can we at least touch and kiss?"

My response: "No, you can not. Why go into the bathroom when you do not have any intentions to have your bath? Your presence in the bathroom shows you want to bath. Moreover, sex doesn't just happen. Sex is process. Fondling, touching and kissing are a foreplay to sex. There is a 95% chance that you will lose it. And even if you don't, the thing still remains that touching, kissing and any other form of romance are unacceptable to God, except they are done within the confines of a marriage relationship."


You see, if you indulge in this act with any normal man, he will stand at attention. This does not mean he is not born again, it only means everything is working fine. Like I said earlier, It's called hormones. Let me show you how the bible puts it.

Songs of Sol 8:4: "Swear to me, young women of Jerusalem, that you won’t awaken or arouse love before its proper time!"

As a lady, you are also not immune to this. So, here is a simple advice--- whatever you can't do in the public, don't attempt to do it in secret.

- Second tip: Movies

Strange, right? Yes!

Seeing a movie together is fine. But be careful what you see. When you go to your boyfriend's house and he plays Game of Thrones or any such movies, he is setting you up. Flee!!!
What you see, you will gravitate towards. I mean, the chances are very high that you will probably want to practice what you have seen. Avoid them. Watch Jackie Chan instead. Lol

Don't tempt d devil.

- Third tip: Being alone

Usually there is a desire to want to be alone with your lover. But be careful. The secret here is to meet outdoors more than you meet at home. If you really want to be alone, it's advisable that you use the parks, the beach, or any other outdoor center.

That way, it will be easier to ward off temptations, as you will be not be able to act out. You are in public after all.



In closing, I encourage you to trust God to keep you Holy... Trust me its not bone face. It's not will power. Rules and boundaries have their place, the grace and mercy of God also has its place. Ask God to keep you holy. Pray together to God about this.

2 Thessalonians 3:3: "But the Lord is faithful, who shall establish you and keep you from evil."

He will keep you if you ask him because He is faithful.

Though the world is descending into Sodomy each passing day, determine in your heart to be different. Determine to be among the people who bring smiles upon God's face. Determine to be among the remnant.