It was a dark and cruel night. I woke up in my empty room feeling scared. I had a very terrible nightmare. The same I've had overtime . I could hardly sleep. The room was so quiet, the only sound I could hear was my heartbeat. I opened my eyes wide. I could not find myself. Gross darkness had fill the room; it felt like I was in hell.
I tried to shut my eyes, but I couldn't. My room felt very inconvenient; it gave me an atmosphere that I was being watched, and if i made any sound, strangers waiting outside my window may steal me!
I remained numb on my bed. I didn't make any sound. Half asleep, half awake I felt, and gradually, everything faded away.... Just as I was about taken into sleep, I heard something. No! Someone!
I heard footsteps down the stairs, and they seemed to be approaching me. The foot steps were headed towards my direction. I stretched my neck to see if I could see the time, but just then I remembered, the old wall clock in my room had no battery, and even if I could tell the time, the room was extremely dark.
I remained still on my bed. I was afraid but unsure. The situation seemed familiar, but I still needed to be certain So, i stayed quiet and waited for the next thing to happen. Just as I was lost in thought, I heard my door opening; slightly and steadily. All I saw was the shadow of a man, and he was a familiar visitor- the midnight visitor.
I was only five years old and I couldn't understand life. I couldn't tell between bitter and sweet. I was caught up in my own naivety. I couldn't explain somethings; everything seemed difficult. I couldn't explain who I was. I was just gullible. I was too young to understand. I had questions; they seemed complicated for a girl of my age. I couldn't answer them because I was too afraid to ask anyone. I was weak and ......I was told to keep quiet.
While staring blindly at the shadow, it got closer to me. It came to my direction. I was not new to the experience. It had become a routine for me. But what I really wanted to know and never faded away was: "Who is this midnight visitor?"
He took off my clothes and started touching me in places I could not understand. He did unspeakable things to me. I cried most of the nights. I didn't like what he was doing to me. And when the sound of my voice increased, He shut it up with his hands,and continued with what he was doing. After he must have been done with all sort of things he did, he would promise it was part of growing up, and that it was necessary for me too. I couldn't understand but I had to keep quiet. His voice sounded familiar, but I was not able to recognize it. I couldn't cry out, so I cried in.
When he was satisfied, He got up, put on his clothes and warned with a stern voice "Don't worry, it's part of life. Don't tell anyone or you'll die. Leave the door wide....and wait for me another night" and then he left. He closed the door quietly behind him. I was left in that room feeling miserable. I was terrified of the night. It suddenly became long and full of fright. I cried so much. I cried till I slept off.
There was nobody I could tell. "What if I speak and die? But I don't even know the name of this visitor, why does he come only at nights? What is his name? Do other children my age experience the same?" But maybe he was right. Maybe it was part of growing up." But for years, it continued, and for years, I shut my mouth. I dare not speak!
There was nobody I could tell. "What if I speak and die? But I don't even know the name of this visitor, why does he come only at nights? What is his name? Do other children my age experience the same?" But maybe he was right. Maybe it was part of growing up." But for years, it continued, and for years, I shut my mouth. I dare not speak!
So, it happened one night-out of many nights, he came as expected, and as an adolescent, I couldn't believe that for six years I have been abused. I was just eleven as at the time I had this unforgettable experience.
So, the same nightmare I have been having over the years woke me up that night. I couldn't sleep. I was sweating profusely. I struggled hard to breathe as I looked round the room as if someone was there with me. When I couldn't find anyone. I took a deep sigh. But I was still scared. This dream had haunted me through my childhood years, and it seemed not to be giving up now. I was so afraid. Just as I stretched my hands to search for something I could use to wipe away the sweat, the midnight visitor came again.
He walked closer to where I was seated on my bed, undressed me and started with what he always came to do. I cried hard, but he held the doors of my mouth firmly with his hands. He was so fierce that night. I was so helpless. And most of all... I was tired. I needed to breakthrough. I cried harder. I needed help. I felt pains all over my lower abdomen. I felt nauseous too. But, while he was violating me, something else grew in me. I was tired of what was happening to me. I couldn't understand what was going on. But I knew it was not supposed to be.
I struggled to jump out of the bed, but he pulled me back. His arms were stronger. I fought with my hands and legs. But, his overcame mine. I needed to escape. I needed to fight back, but he grew more aggressive. He was older and stronger.
I tried to scream again, but this time, he held my mouth and my throat at the same time with his two hands. My legs were locked between his knees. He stretched himself upon me and pressed me hard. I couldn't shout, after all, no one would hear me.
He threatened me and said that if I escaped or try to do anything funny, he will kill me. And if i spoke to anybody about what was going on between us, I will die. I became hopeless. The power engine in me just went out suddenly. Those words killed every fighting mechanism in my spirit.
I could recall that at age five, I lost my virginity. He made me feel miserable when ever he came into my room. He built fear inside of me. I could never trust anyone. I became afraid of the environment. Everyone seemed untrustworthy. It felt like anyone I told would take advantage of me.
The thoughts of giving up came, but I decided to keep fighting. Just then, I felt something cold and hard on my back. A part of it felt sharp too. I figured out I had slept off the previous night, after taking dinner, leaving the dish and the fork on the right top corner of my bed. I stretched myself a bit and when I saw that my hand had reach it, I held on to it and waited.
Though I had always wanted to be free, so it's expected of me to feel relaxed. But on the contrary, my heart started beating fast. I didn't know what I was going to do next. But I was sure. I could hear him groan while he violated me. So I waited for him, I struggled no more. I gave him the chance, but I was up to something.
Just as I felt his body and face move closer to me, I struck him on the face with my fork. He gave a loud noise. I struck him over and over again until he rolled from the bed to the floor. He screamed the more. I finally got my way. But before anything else happened. I reached on to the power switch. He kept on screaming. I wasn't concerned. I was concerned with something else. I could not believe my eyes when I found out who my midnight visitor was.
The noise from my bedroom awoke mum. She ran straight into my room as she heard. She found me naked and was asking questions. I could not reply. I was perplexed; I had a lot of questions too. But all didn't surprise me as much as the one in my room. I remained stuck with one hand on the switch, and my eyes on the midnight visitor. The only thing that was moving were hot uncontrollable tears from my eyes.
I found it hard to recover from the shock. I pinched myself hard to see if I'll wake up from the dream. But reality dawned on me. The whole world became frozen. I wasn't sure, but I still couldn't believe who I was seeing. There was blood all over him. And I could trace it from my bed to where he was. Another pair of tears strolled my eyes when I remembered the man who had constantly been violating me for six years is a man of my house. Mum became shocked and inaudible.
I moved closer to him, and every step I took, i remembered the times I spent with him. The days he warned me to stay away from the opposite sex because I was too young. I couldn't still believe my eyes. I finally got close to where he was, when I had to believe that truly my midnight visitor was not a fiction. He was real. He was my Father!
Based on a true life story.
Dedicated to every girl child who's been violated at tender ages. And who may not still see the silver linen in the blue cloud. You are still a thousand times more than seven sparrow.
Love Exist!
You are Loved!
Today, I encourage everyone all around the world to SAY NO TO RAPE.
He walked closer to where I was seated on my bed, undressed me and started with what he always came to do. I cried hard, but he held the doors of my mouth firmly with his hands. He was so fierce that night. I was so helpless. And most of all... I was tired. I needed to breakthrough. I cried harder. I needed help. I felt pains all over my lower abdomen. I felt nauseous too. But, while he was violating me, something else grew in me. I was tired of what was happening to me. I couldn't understand what was going on. But I knew it was not supposed to be.
I struggled to jump out of the bed, but he pulled me back. His arms were stronger. I fought with my hands and legs. But, his overcame mine. I needed to escape. I needed to fight back, but he grew more aggressive. He was older and stronger.
I tried to scream again, but this time, he held my mouth and my throat at the same time with his two hands. My legs were locked between his knees. He stretched himself upon me and pressed me hard. I couldn't shout, after all, no one would hear me.
He threatened me and said that if I escaped or try to do anything funny, he will kill me. And if i spoke to anybody about what was going on between us, I will die. I became hopeless. The power engine in me just went out suddenly. Those words killed every fighting mechanism in my spirit.
The thoughts of giving up came, but I decided to keep fighting. Just then, I felt something cold and hard on my back. A part of it felt sharp too. I figured out I had slept off the previous night, after taking dinner, leaving the dish and the fork on the right top corner of my bed. I stretched myself a bit and when I saw that my hand had reach it, I held on to it and waited.
Though I had always wanted to be free, so it's expected of me to feel relaxed. But on the contrary, my heart started beating fast. I didn't know what I was going to do next. But I was sure. I could hear him groan while he violated me. So I waited for him, I struggled no more. I gave him the chance, but I was up to something.
Just as I felt his body and face move closer to me, I struck him on the face with my fork. He gave a loud noise. I struck him over and over again until he rolled from the bed to the floor. He screamed the more. I finally got my way. But before anything else happened. I reached on to the power switch. He kept on screaming. I wasn't concerned. I was concerned with something else. I could not believe my eyes when I found out who my midnight visitor was.
The noise from my bedroom awoke mum. She ran straight into my room as she heard. She found me naked and was asking questions. I could not reply. I was perplexed; I had a lot of questions too. But all didn't surprise me as much as the one in my room. I remained stuck with one hand on the switch, and my eyes on the midnight visitor. The only thing that was moving were hot uncontrollable tears from my eyes.
I found it hard to recover from the shock. I pinched myself hard to see if I'll wake up from the dream. But reality dawned on me. The whole world became frozen. I wasn't sure, but I still couldn't believe who I was seeing. There was blood all over him. And I could trace it from my bed to where he was. Another pair of tears strolled my eyes when I remembered the man who had constantly been violating me for six years is a man of my house. Mum became shocked and inaudible.
I moved closer to him, and every step I took, i remembered the times I spent with him. The days he warned me to stay away from the opposite sex because I was too young. I couldn't still believe my eyes. I finally got close to where he was, when I had to believe that truly my midnight visitor was not a fiction. He was real. He was my Father!
Based on a true life story.
Dedicated to every girl child who's been violated at tender ages. And who may not still see the silver linen in the blue cloud. You are still a thousand times more than seven sparrow.
Love Exist!
You are Loved!
Today, I encourage everyone all around the world to SAY NO TO RAPE.
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