JOHN OGBILE OKPE

In a world where heartbreak, betrayal, youth disillusionment, family disintegration and divorce is on a daily increase, it is necessary to return back to the standard and redefine basic relationship concepts.

Standard will always remain the same no matter the technological advancements in the world. Even when popular celebrities try to redefine relationship by laying out the wrong example, we must always remember that truth cannot be modified or modernized.



These basic relationship concept will help us to redefine our relationship, and if we adhere to them, would usher is into a season of healthy and successful relationship. If we break any stage, it affects our relationship.

So, what are these relationship concepts? They include:


1. FRIENDSHIP

Friendship is a type of relationship between two people who care about each other. Friends are an important part of most people's lives. Research has recently shown that having friends increases our chances of being happy. A good friend might be someone who provides support when times are tough, or someone you can rely on to celebrate a special moment with you.

In friendship, it's important you hang around people who celebrate you, not people who tolerate you.

The best thing about friendship is communication.

If we do not build friends, we'd have a hard time choosing a life partner. You cannot marry all of your friends, but there will definitely be someone you can marry among your friends.

Please, begin every relationship with friendship.


2. DATING

According to Wikipedia, "Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage."

Dating is a time when a Christian finds out if his or her potential marriage partner is also a believer in Christ. It is that early stage of a relationship where both the man and the woman go out on dates to find out what each other is like, their principles and value system, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.


In this stage, the Man and the woman meet outside, socially. Contrary to popular belief, It is not the time to invite them over to your house for a cup of coffee  or a glass of wine. Emotional attachment (or sex) must not be involved. Dating should be kept formal.

When you date, all you are basically doing is looking for someone that fits your ideal type of man or woman; you look for personality traits that you value. It is not supposed to be long at all. I usually advice people not to spend more than a month or two in dating.


3. COURTSHIP

Courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other. While courting, you check to see if the other person is compatible with you spiritually, emotionally and in every other way.

Under the protection, guidance, and blessing of parents or mentors, the couple concentrates on developing a deep friendship that could lead to marriage, as they discern their readiness for marriage and God’s timing for their marriage. (See Proverbs 3:5–7.)


Courtship is a choice to avoid temptation and experience the blessings of purity. It is a choice to not emotionally give away your heart, piece by piece, to many others through casual dating relationships and instead to give your whole heart to your life partner.

What you do in the season of courtship is communication and discovery of each other's purpose and life assignments. It is a time when the man and woman get to determine if they are both compatible.


There is no commitment in courtship, hence the woman should not assume anything if the man hasn't said anything yet. Also, there is no ownership in courtship, so it's important you don't assume any responsibility.

As long as no proposal is made and no reply given, courtship is still on. But then, courtship should generally not drag beyond two years. If they need more than two years to understand you, then their motives needs to be questioned. Don't allow any man or woman waste your time.


4. PROPOSAL

A marriage proposal is an event where one person in a relationship (having courted for some time) asks for the other's hand in marriage. It is the will to marry someone.

If accepted, a proposal marks the initiation of engagement.


Acceptance of the proposal is not compulsory. Hence, a man should not feel bad when a lady refuses his proposal. At least, maintain the friendship. That's maturity.


5. ENGAGEMENT

An engagement is a promise to wed, and also the period of time between a marriage proposal and a marriage.

During this period, a couple is said to be betrothed, intended, affianced, engaged to be married, or simply engaged.


An engagement is also a binding commitment or mutual promise of later marriage, having parental and pastoral approval. There is no secret engagement; there has to be the consent of the authorities over the two people involved.

An engagement often has a ritual quality.


6. MARRIAGE

It is a legal binding of a man and woman in a lifetime of covenant relationship.


Primary, marriage is for God's benefit- to seek godly offspring. (see Malachi 2:15). This is the only stage of relationship where romance and sex is allowed.

Physical intimacy comes last in a relationship. That is the standard, that's the way it's meant to be. Don't allow the world mislead you. Genuine bonding stops when you introduce physical intimacy.

I hope you were blessed? Please leave your comments below.  Let me know what you think.

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Since our instincts and the urgent matters of the day work against us, making major life changes are never easy. But when we learn to focus on our future self, we'll be surprised at what we can achieve.

Change means reinvention. Each time a major shift happens in our lives, we have to choose who we want to become or risk never reaching our full potential.

Check out the story of Samsung and you will understand what reinventing yourself can do for you:

1- In 1938, Lee Byung-Chull launched Samsung in South Korea as a grocery shop.

2- In 1940, due to tight competition in the grocery segment, Samsung abandoned grocery for producing and selling of noodles.

3- In 1950, Samsung abandoned production of noodles for producing of sugar.

4- In 1954, Samsung left sugar and started a woolen mill in Korea.

5- In 1956, Samsung abandoned woolen mill and started selling Insurance and securities.

6- In 1960, Samsung left selling of insurance and securities for production of television - the black and white television. Not color television.

7- In 1980, Samsung switched to telecoms, producing telephone switch boards.


8- In 1987, Lee- the founder and owner of Samsung, died. The company now broke into four independent companies- department stores, chemicals & logistics, paper/telecom and electronics.

9- Same year, Samsung decided to focus on international investing, investing in plants & semi conductor facilities around the world.

10- In 1990, Samsung delved into real estate abandoning international investing in semi conductors. Samsung built the worlds tallest buildings: Petronas Towers Malaysia, Taipei 101 in Taiwan.

11- In 1993, there was heavy recession and Asian markets went belly up, Lee's son who had succeeded him as the CEO of Samsung began downsizing, selling subsidiaries and merged the rest.


12- With the merging of the electronics, engineering and chemicals division, Samsung became the worlds largest producer of memory chips.

13- In 1995, Samsung switched to liquid-crystal displays and over the next 10 years became the worlds largest manufacturer of flat screen television.

14- In 2010, with liquid crystal displays becoming competitive, Samsung launches a 10 year growth strategy, with smart phones being a key focus.

15- In 2016, Samsung is worlds largest mobile and smart phone maker, outselling iPhone two to one.

Samsung sales today is over $250 billion and produces a fifth of South Korea's total exports.


Don't be afraid of change. If you don't change, you become insignificant. Don't be afraid of delving into new waters. Don't get stuck doing same thing over and over again without a tangible result, it's boring. The life is in the risk. The life is in the new!!!! If your idea isn't working or you are stagnant, don't stick to the glorious' past, take the risk and move on. It's far better than being stagnant.

There is a lot waiting to find expression through you. Today, make that choice to reinvent yourself.

QUESTION: "Why is it that A man with the finest woman in his life, but Jobless will never be happy. And a woman with the finest Job, but without a man in her life will never be happy?"

Short Answer: A man's first love is not a woman. A man's first love is his work (Making money). On the other hand, a woman's first love is in her relationship with a man.

Long Answer:  What gives a man primary fulfilment in life, aside his maker, is his work. That is how God designed the man & it's a Divine law.

God first  gave Adam work before he gave him a wife.  Meaning, his number one source of Joy in life is tied to his work & making money, and not his woman.

Advice To Women: Never date or marry a Jobless Man. You will regret it.



There are 7 things God gave man and the least of them is the woman. Until a man has the other 6, don't marry him.

A woman on the other hand, has her first Joy & fulfilment in her relationship with the man in her life. Her world revolves around her relationship with her man. This is also a Divine law. The FIRST thing or gift God gave the woman after her creation was Adam and that's her relationship.

So Ladies, relax if he's so driven with his work and can't seem to focus on you at the moment.

And Guys, calm down if she's so driven with passion and can't seem to think straight without you.

The most important thing is understanding each others make-up and striking a balance, so no one gets to suffer in the relationship.


Also, the acid test of a man's love for God is his work (money), while the acid test of a woman's love for God is her relationship.

Don't mess with those, you won't like their reaction!

I am Deloveguru!

Dr. Okpe Ezekiel Ode,
Your Online International Life Coach & Mentor

We had a function to attend, it was almost time, but our ride was taking forever to arrive. In order to salvage the situation being the leader, I got talking with the newbie in the group in a bid to calm her nerves, as she was growing impatient seeing the car was yet to arrive. The idea was to buy more time for our late driver with a short conversation... But alas! What I thought would be a simple and short conversation ended up a long discussion which has birthed and provided the inspiration for this article. A discussion I'd love you to pick a lesson or two from.

Below is an excerpt from our discussion.

Me: "Hello, how you doing?"

Her reply: "I'm good sir, only worried about the car."

Me: "I know how you feel dear. I just spoke to the driver. He said he's close. The delay is due to a flat tyre. I'm sorry."

Her reply: "It's alright."

Me: "How about we catch up with a few conversations?" What do you think?

Her reply: "I would love that."

Me: "Cool... So tell me, where does your passion lie? I mean, what's that one thing you could do seamlessly without pay?"

Her reply: "Mmm, that should be modeling. I want to be a beauty queen. But I'm also interested in Fashion Designing and Music. I'm currently working on my second track. I've registered for a beauty pageant contest coming up before December, and I'm currently working on my clothing line".

Me: "Wow! You are one hell of a gifted one"

(She smiles)

Me: "But ain't you gonna wear yourself out with so many of these activities? What exactly is your primary passion?"

Her reply: "I think I love them all. They all feel primary to me."

The rest is history.

It is true that we all have the capabilities to succeed in more than one area of our life; a good number of us possess multiple intelligences and multi-giftedness. But as true as this may be, it's also important we learn THE ART OF FOCUS AND SPECIALIZATION.

I understand that we live in an age of information overload, where an average person in search of meaning in life is constantly and aggressively being bombarded with information that is capable of causing an emotional and nervous breakdown. Even though information is crucial and highly needed in this day and age, the importance of adequate, relevant information relative to one's main goal in life should be the bedrock of any search, otherwise information overload could be capable of impairing one's productivity.

Remember the old saying: "Jack of all trade, master of none?"... I know you do... No matter how much of a cliche it may sound, it's nonetheless true. Jack of all trade, master of none will make you dabble into many skills, rather than gaining expertise by focusing on one.

A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention. What a paradox!

My goal for writing this article is simple and it cannot be overemphasized: FOCUS AND GATHER ENOUGH INFORMATION RELEVANT TO YOUR PRIMARY PASSION OR CORE GIFT, DEVELOP THEM AND SYSTEMATICALLY DEPLOY THEM AS YOU PURSUE YOUR GOD-ORDAINED PURPOSE. You can never know or do everything, so ignore irrelevant information and activities.

Maybe you have been distracted or you are being tempted to be distracted, I feel you. Because of God's multiple abilities on my life, I have done many things successfully, but not necessarily effectively.... From Football to emceeing, to handling the instrument in church, to teaching the Sunday Bible class, to studying Mechanical Engineering, to public speaking... The thing is, I know what it means for a man to spread himself too thin when he has too many things on his plate.

The challenge is that, such a man may be successful but may not be able to consolidate his success because he will be overwhelmed, come under pressure, and everything may fall apart if he does not address what is most important to him. This is my honest story in a nutshell which I do not regret because I have since realized that my pain could be somebody else's gain. My story of frustration and struggle is somebody's else's navigation out of confusion, which is one of the main reasons for this post.


God did not make a mistake by endowing you with several talents and gifts at the same time. In fact, studies show that an average person has more than one core gift. Some even have multiple core gifts. That in itself is not a minus but a plus, provided the individual learns how to transition effectively----- something I did not know back then because I had not been taught or maybe there were no authors writing along these areas, especially Christian authors who are usually most Christians' favorites. So I took it as a challenge to  start a movement in this area.

Stop trying to solve every problem for everybody, that’s like trying to be everything to everybody. That's also like trying to be everything at the same time... And the problem with this is when people come to you, they are not sure what you are about, they can’t figure if you are the solution to their problem.

You need to understand that in the marketplace, people are not looking for a generalist anymore; they are looking for a specialist – someone who can fix their problems.

Here’s an analogy to drive the point home...
If you were looking to fix your car for instance, let’s say your car is a Ford, then you come across a company that says ‘‘we fix anything, we fix cars, we fix washing machines, and we fix lawn mowers, fridges or anything you want to get fixed – we fix everything” Just maybe this company has developed the skill and the ability to fix the things.
But then you come across another company that says “We fix cars, any kind of cars you have, we can fix, whether it’s a Toyota, BMW, Honda or a Bentley – whatever kind of car you have, we can fix it”
And the third company says “We fix Fords – If you need to fix a Ford, bring it over and we will fix it for you”.

My question for you is this, of all these 3 businesses or companies, which would you take your car to?
The reality is each of these people probably could fix your car, but when you see these messages, one fixes everything, one fixes any kind of car or one who fixes Ford. Who are you likely to go to? Not only would most people be willing to go with that third one, they will be willing to spend more money with him. And even if the others are cheaper, we are more likely to trust the third business more.

Many people find it hard to specialise for fear of missing out on being able to help lots of people, but in reality, you have to put yourself in the shoes of the buyer. The buyer doesn’t want to make a mistake so they want to make sure that they engage someone who can help them – a specialist... Rather than just positioning yourself as a coach of things which you may be able to do, my advice for you is to define who is it you’re helping, what is it you’re helping them achieve and how you’re going to help them.



Be very specific!

Specificity means you cut out most people but it also means you’re more likely to attract the right kind of people.
Do not let fear of missing out hold you back from specialising. It is the first reason most people don’t make money and become master in their craft.

You can't be effective being a Ronaldo, a Mark Zuckerberg, a Tommy Hilfigher, a Travis Greene, and a Usain Bolt at the same time.

Today, make the decision to focus on the main thing, thus making the main thing the main thing!


P.S: Don't assume I am saying you shouldn't set up businesses and/or streams of income. That's far from it. But don't spend all your time on that business. Set it up and put someone who is effective to manage it. Your job basically will now be monitoring and evaluating the operations of the business system. By so doing, you have enough time to focus on your core-passion. Don't try to be two or more things at the same time. You won't be effective doing any of them. Remember, Jack of all trade, master of none.

At only 25years old, Neymar has firmly established himself among the football greats.

His recent transfer move of £198m from Barcelona to PSG makes him the most expensive footballer on earth. He is set to earn a staggering sum of £500,000 at the Parc des Princes weekly.

The weekly wage works out at roughly: £71,428 a day, £2,976 an hour, £50 a minute, and 82 pence a second.

Confused? Let me break it down in Naira.

As at the time of writing this article, a British pound is worth approximately N480.

PSG paid £198m to sign Neymar. Therefore,

> £198m = N95,040,000,000 (ninety-five billion, forty million naira)

> Weekly wage of £500,000 = N240,000,000 (two hundred and forty million naira)

The weekly wage works at roughly:

> £71,428 a day = N34,285,440 (thirty-four million, two hundred and eighty five thousand, four hundred and forty naira)

> £2,976 an hour = N1,428,480 (one million, four hundred and twenty eight thousand, four hundred and eighty naira)

> £50 a minute = N24,000 (twenty four thousand naira)

> 82 pence a second = N393.6 (three hundred and ninety-three naira, six kobo).

> In a month, Neymar will earn N960,000,000 (nine hundred and sixty million naira).

> In a year, Neymar will earn N12,480,000,000 (twelve billion, four hundred and eighty million naira).

Isn't this amazing?

This underscores the very importance of pursuing our dreams even in difficult circumstances.


When God wants to bless you, he will not bless your certificate, what He will bless is your *passion*. That is why you have to pursue your dreams at all cost.

That was what God meant in Proverbs 18:16.

"A man's gift makes room (open doors) for him and brings him (access) before great men" (Proverbs 18:16, ESV Emphasis Added).

Don't let the only skill you develop in your 4-5years in the Higher Institution be prayer alone. Remember, there is #Holy_Ghost_Power and there is also #Man_Power. Prayer will not substitute for lack of skill, neither will skill substitute for prayer. True spirituality is the ability to strike a balance between your natural and your supernatural.

If you are passionate about Engineering or any other formal disciplines, give it your all by studying hard to ensure you emerge the top 5 in that field...

But then, not everybody is designed to be an engineers or a doctors. Formal education (I.e School) will attempt to put a square peg in a round hole. The school system will try to label you 'Dumb' because you failed a course, but you must never allow that get into you. You must be determined to pursue your dream. Develop that thing that comes naturally to you. It's your talent! Never allow the temporary mishaps of today make you lose sight of your true self. When you become a figure to be reckoned with tomorrow, nobody will ask if you can solve dy/dx, so keep working at your passion.


Today, develop that gift, passion and talent inside of you. It will take you places where your certificate may not take do.

"School rewards those who keep the rules, life rewards those who break the rules" - Robert Kiyosaki (New York Times Bestselling Author of Rich Dad Poor Dad).

Like Neymar, invest in your personal development and pursue your dreams, and success will come chasing after you.

It'd be surprising if you've never heard of the 10,000 hour rule before, and since "Assumption is the mother of failure", I will not assume that you have heard of it before.

The 10,000 hour rule simply states that: "You have to spend at least 10,000 hours on your craft before you can become a Master of that Craft".

Experience and experts agree that this rule is not a hard and fast one, but rather a guide to the fact that you have to spend quality time with your work before you can get that master touch on it.

But as true as that is, there's a better way to get to the TOP OF YOUR FIELD. Wanna know how? Read on.

A man usually says to his son: "I'm giving you this piece of advice so you won't make the same mistakes I made". I like to call this the PRECISION PRINCIPLE. It's also known as "Standing on the shoulders of Giants".
I believe there are mistakes that can only be made by you because you are unique to your path, but there are some mistakes that you don't have to make because people have made those same mistakes and you can learn from them.

Reigner Davies puts it this way: "It is not a bad thing to copy something Good".

Moyo Akin-Ojo says it this way: "If you read the book of someone who has 50yrs experience on a subject and assimilate 50%, you have gleaned 25yrs experience from the writer".

You don't have to tread unprofitable paths if you can learn from people who have passed that route before you. The Precision Principle underscores the importance of MENTORSHIP. It underscores the importance of learning how to succeed from people who have succeeded, and learning how not to fail from people who have failed.

Never trivialize the importance of mentorship as seen in the PRECISION PRINCIPLE, because mentorship cuts your journey short. It affords you the privilege to stand on the shoulders of men and women who have proven track record.

It's mid-week, make it one of intentional learning and applying the Precision Principle, learn from those ahead of you who have made the mistakes you're yet to.

THE PRECISION PRINCIPLE WILL SAVE YOU TIME, GIVE YOU A GOOD HEAD START AND GIFT YOU THE ADVANTAGE OF SPEED.

Go friend!