JOHN OGBILE OKPE

Luk 14:28: "For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?"

This scripture explains perfectly the purpose of courtship. In courting, you sit down and count the cost.

You just can't go willy-nilly into something and hope for the best. Well, you can, no one is stopping you, but it's a good idea to have a solid plan. There is some very important groundwork you should lay before getting into a committed relationship with someone.

Most times, we are unable to do a thorough groundwork during the period of courtship for a whole lot of different reasons based on each individual. Perhaps, maybe because of some misconceptions we have grown up with. Lets quickly look at some of these misconceptions about courting.

1. Courting is not the same as dating. When you court there is an intention to marry

I have met ladies who say: "I'm not ready to marry him, just trying to gain experience."

There are many things wrong with that statement and I will show you why.

A.) Whoever you are dating now will be 90% different from who you will be getting married to later. They are different people with different experiences.

READ MORE HERE: 5 REASONS WHY DATING IS NOT THE SAME AS COURTING


B.) It will cost you --- you will spend your money, your time, your energy and your resources in something that's going no where. If you are a good entrepreneur you know that's bad business.

C.) If you get your heart broken in the process, that's heart ache you could have avoided.


2. Being in a Christian courtship does not mean you must end up marrying each other

Some folks believe that if you are in a relationship with a man, it means you must marry him and when things don't go that way they begin to raise their heads.

You court to know if that person is suitable for you spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically. When you have completed your observations, you and your partner can then move into proposal and engagement. Now, you are sure that he is the one you want to settle with and he can put a ring on it.

I have observed over the years that many Christians in courtship are under pressure of leaving a hurtful/unproductive relationship because of what people/church members/pastors/ will say/think or how people will see them. It's not mandatory that you marry them if they are not suitable for you. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.


3. Courtship is not a time to check how well he can perform in bed

My dear, don't turn yourself into a public toilet where anyone can come and ease himself and go.

Apart from the spiritual implications of this act, there are many physical implications too. It's better to obey God and abstain.

There are many other misconceptions about courting, but I will stop here so we can address the subject of this post.

You see, the purpose of courting is to know the person you want to marry. To have an understanding of the man or woman. To count the cost. In other words, there are things you ought to cover in order to get that groundwork for your relationship properly laid down securely.


So, exactly what should you do before you get into a committed marriage relationship with someone? Here are a few:


Look Out For The Right Things

Most of us lack foresight. We are looking for tall dark and handsome. Open teeth and dimples, V-shape and figure-8, when we ought to be looking for treasures in earthen vessels. We really should stop majoring on the minor, and lookout for those things that matters most.

David and Faith Oyedepo

The photo above is one of the old photos of Nigerian Christian author, architect, preacher, founder and presiding Bishop of Living Faith Church Worldwide- Bishop David Oyedepo and his wife. Did you see how he was looking there? But there is something that woman was seeing. She was looking beyond their present state.

Today, Bishop Oyedepo pastors a 50,000-seat church auditorium, reported to be the largest church auditorium in the world by the Guineas Book of Records, and he is also the chancellor of Covenant University and Landmark University. He was named in 2011 by Forbes Magazine as being the richest pastor in Nigeria with a net worth of US$150 million.

There is a popular and funny saying in Nigeria that, "When a woman rejects a man of vision and accept a man with television, she will end up watching the man of vision on her own husband's television."

Please don't get this saying all wrong. Is it possible to find a man that has both packages (vision and television)? Yes, it is very possible. The saying only seeks to encourage people to look for something deeper in a man or a woman.

Serita and T.D Jakes

How you also heard of how pastor, author, filmmaker and Bishop agt The Potter's House, Bishop T. D Jakes started? Looking at the photo above, some ladies would probably have said a capital "NO" if the Bishop had asked them out at that time. This underscores the very importance of not judging a man by his pocket, but by the size of his vision. Why? Because where a man is going in life is more important than his present condition.

What about gospel music maestro; Nathaniel Bassey? From the religious, to the political, to the business and to the sporting worlds, the list of men and women who rose above their present condition to become something great in life is endless.

During courting, we need to ask God to open our eyes to see the treasures he has hidden in our partner. Life is more than open teeth, pink lips and dimples. A word is enough for the wise.

READ ALSO: REDEFINING RELATIONSHIP

For those of you who have found your man or woman, don't be a carnal spouse, be a spirit filled one. Help groom those beautiful qualities in your partner. You are supposed to make him better. He is supposed to make you better.

Let him have the confidence to tell you his plans because he knows you will be his personal cheer leader.

Pro 27:17: "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."

If you have not been doing that, it's not too late to start now.


Ask The Right Questions

Courting is a time to get to know about each others purpose, plans and life assignments, and this can easily be achieved when we ask the right questions.

During courtship, you learn about who you want to marry. It is about open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about marriage -- you court in order to see if there is any reason why you shouldn't get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage.

Please, do not condone laziness and bad attitudes in a bid to look beyond the present state of your partner. If they are not willing to change, you have to do what's needful.

In Matthew 10:16, we are told to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. Don't be blinded and carried away by his vision mission statement; if he isn't taking an action step towards the actualization of his vision everyday, you need to ask questions.


Ask deep questions about each other and the future. Questions like:

- What is your short term, middle term, and long term plans? How do you plan to achieve this?

- What are your spiritual and financial goals? What are you doing to accomplish them?

- How many kids would you like us to have? What happens when the kids don't come on time?

These are some of the questions you should be asking in your relationship. A man without a means or source of livelihood and who isn't working hard to get one isn't worth your time. That's laziness and you mustn't condone it. I'm not saying you should marry because of money, but marry where money is.

Remember, the period of courtship is the bridge to the stage of engagement. Be wise in counting the cost.


READ ALSO: HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

I fell again the third time, this time, with my face on the ground. I struggled to get up, but I couldn't. It was in the middle of the night, and no one except me, knew the hard time I was going through in my room. The night was full of fury and agony. I cried silently. I was too ashamed to tell anybody what I had done. In my lonely room, I cried. The room seemed to give me an attentive ear. It gave me the convenience to pour out my heart.  I felt it could hear the voice of my prayers.

I tried to stand again, but I couldn't.  The pains from my lower abdomen felt like somebody had breach the connection between my abdominal cord and my life. The pain was so furious, I couldn't understand why. I had never felt such pain before, It was worst a thousand times than the menstrual pain. Even child birth was nothing close to it.

I cried still, the bed could not contain me, so I rolled to the ground. The ground too felt cold, and it pierced hard into my skin. It was not helping my situation. I needed warmth, but I couldn't find one. I felt abandoned. But, just when I rested on the ground, the pains left me. I felt relieved. Just when I was about saying a prayer of relief, it started again.

READ ALSO: HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

I cried my eyes out. I cried like a baby. The pain became stronger than I expected. It became unbearable. I pinched my mattress hard as if it would free me of the pain, but it wouldn't.  I cried the more, but quieter. I could not tell anyone. I was afraid of the reaction I would get  in return. The pain got angrier, it was waging a war from the inside, but the angrier it was, the more I regretted my actions. "What I felt was hidden would now be seen in broad day light" I thought.

I held my peace. I could feel my heartbeat; it was pumping hard and fast, but I lay still on the ground as though, if I moved, it will alter the reaction. Just when it was quiet enough, I saw my life flash before my eyes.

He was the only boyfriend I ever had. I gave him my love and my all. I loved him desperately, so I was ready to make any sacrifice for that love. I gave him my body, in exchange for his faithfulness. I didn't want much in a man; silver, gold or diamonds were easily affordable and disposable, all I wanted was a man who gave me his confidence, a man who was ready to give up all he had for me, and me too, for him.

But I was too foolish of myself to get carried away by mere feelings coupled with emotions. He lied to me, he broke his promises. You see, you test a good man by how much he can stay. You test a good thing by how much it can last.

But he did the unthinkable. Yes! The unthinkable --- He left!!! The moment I broke the news to him, I could see contempt and agitation written all over his face, but he said nothing. He waited for me to finish, and the moment I was done speaking, the last and only word he said was, "Get rid of it!" And that was the last time I heard from him; he disappeared into thin air. I just couldn't imagine how and why he could do that!


I couldn't risk the chance of nurturing a child soon.  I was not ready, I needed to balance my life first. I dreamt of a kind of life; the "graduate-get-a-job" kind of life. But all of those dreams was seeming to be a fairy tale.

I couldn't stand the disappointments from my parent. What about the criticisms from the society? The church, at school.... everywhere! I was not ready to make myself a laughing stock.

LOOKING TO HARNESS THE FUTURE RIGHT FROM THE PRESENT? HOW TO BUY THE FUTURE WILL SHOW YOU HOW.

No girl dreams to have a bulgy stomach out of wedlock. I was so afraid to discuss it with anyone. But then, an idea popped into my head. It seemed to be the only option to free me from the bad news. An idea that would change my life forever.

I decided to try the traditional method. It seemed to be the cheaper, faster and easier method. No injections or tablets, only herbs. I felt convinced it would work. I just wanted to deal with the problem once and for all. I did the mixtures myself after taking serious tutor from the herbalist. It smelt bad... as if I was going to choke, but that wasn't my concern, I could endure the smell.

I lost count of the mixtures. Most of them I couldn't identify. It tasted hot and sharp. I imagined how girls felt convenient taking these mixtures on several occasions.  If I had my way, I wouldn't take it, but unfortunately, that was the only choice I had.



The only way I could eventually take the mixture was to block my nostrils with two fingers from one hand, so that the odour does not discourage me. I eventually gulped the mixtures as fast as I could, at the count of three. It had the most awful taste. Even the alcohol added to it did not reduce the bad taste. It tasted bad, I nearly threw up. But I've been warned by the herbalist not to, or I'll start the process again. The moment was sour.  The herbalist who sold the herb promised it would work faster and conveniently on empty stomach, which I did.

It wasn't up to five minutes after I took the herb, that my stomach started rumbling. It felt like there was a clash of the titans in my stomach. The herbalist actually told me to expect that, so I wasn't too worried. I waited patiently. I waited and waited but the rumbling did not stop. I started stooling. I ran to the toilet. I ran there again and again. Then I felt weak. Just when the toilet had drain everything from me, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach.

The pain continued for like thirty minutes, after taking the mixtures. I endured the pain, but I promised myself that once I got out of the situation, I'd never smell a man near me, not to talk of getting pregnant. While waiting for the whole process to come to an end, I realized that all the while I got myself into the mess, my conscience did not judge me. I felt sad. I had already sold my soul to the devil. My conscience was dead. Why wouldn't it occur to me that I'm attempting the murder of a child? That wasn't my problem as at the moment, my problem was inside of me, and I needed to get rid of it. I was still lost in thought when I was hit by another sharp pain. And that was how I fell to the ground.


So, in that room. I felt hell on earth. The pain kept increasing by the moment. I started sweating profusely. My head ached, I felt disturbed and uneasy. My body was not at rest. The pain was so unbearable. I kept enduring. It was since 12:00am when I took the mixtures that night, and even till 2:15am at the moment, I had not gotten any rest. My eyes were wide opened.  Sleep ran out of my eyes that night. While everyone where resting, I was restless. It made me sad the more. I cursed the day I had sex with him.

The sweat increased.  All of the pains I bared alone. I was told it was okay to terminate a pregnancy I wasn't ready for, but "Nobody ever told me that terminating a pregnancy was this difficult", I muttered. I wish I did not get pregnant in the first place.

I gnash my teeth hard to hold the pain, but it could not contain me. After stooling and throwing up for the third time. I felt light and empty. I was weak too. Then all of a sudden, I started bleeding. I bled all over. The blood looked thick and dark. It was so painful. I had to change my under wear and attach a sanitary pad. The whole thing suddenly started happening fast. I needed help. I was extremely helpless, but I had to do it myself.

I bled so much I had to change the sanitary pad four times in thirty minutes. Afterwards, I had to attach two sanitary pad at once. I could not contain myself. I was so afraid.

The kind of blow that hit me from the inside the last time made me scream. I screamed at the top of my voice that I couldn't hold back the noise. I called out for mum. I called and cried hoping someone would hear me.  I shouted and rolled on the floor. I could not stand up. I kept crying and screaming. The pain and the blow kept coming at the same time. My feet began to shiver, the palms of my hands felt cold. For a second, I felt numb too. It was as if I had partial stroke.

I screamed the third time, this time with my hands held firmly to my stomach. It continued with its blows. The bleeding did not stop. I felt it pumping out of my system like a gushing water. I couldn't control it. Just then, Mum ran in. I felt totally numb on the ground. She ran close to where I was, I tried to speak, but I couldn't.  She tried to lift me up, but when she did, my feet could not hold me. I could see her helpless, she was saying things I couldn't recognize. She found the remnants of the mixtures beside my bed. I could see the shock on her face.


Mum was running to and fro. She took her phone, and seemed to be dialing numbers. She ran back to me. Held me close to her chest and wept. I wanted to weep with her, but just then, everything suddenly started moving slowly..... then blurry.... and cold.

READ ALSO: 5 REASONS WHY DATING IS NOT THE SAME AS COURTING

I tried to speak again, but I couldn't. My throat felt as though it was tied.  I could not move, I was nailed to the ground. Everything seemed to be fading away. I started feeling sleepy, but mum was shaking me, she was preventing me. My eyes were heavy. I really needed the sleep, seeing that all through the night, I could not find one. I tried to open my eyes, but I could not fight it. Everything became slow, suddenly, it became quiet, and then it became dark.

I did not see or hear anything any more. Everything suddenly felt quiet. I was passing away. And then, it was over.


Thou daughter of priestly, has it occurred to you that you just committed murder, in cold blood? What you have done has caused a stigma in your generation. You may not escape the consequences after all. But think about the curse reigned upon the unborn.

Terminating a pregnancy no matter how early sets you at risk. It's always a 50-50 chance or both. The line between life and death is so thin and transparent.

Thou daughter of Adam, don't do it when you know you shouldn't. Waiting is not a disease. Why you have sexual urge and stimulations explains how active your sexual life is. If only you can wait, you'll prevent a lot of "unforseen" accidents.

Say No to pre-marital sex!
Say No to pregnancy out of wedlock!!
Say No to Abortion!!!


DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Events and incidents are products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.


READ ALSO: THE MIDNIGHT VISITOR

I think it's a pretty safe assumption to say that we all desire to have a relationship that is filled with happiness, joy, and — most importantly — love.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we’ve been exposed to so many unhealthy relationships in our lives that we don’t know what a truly healthy relationship even looks and feels like.

A healthy relationship is one that is founded on godly principles... And while this is not a very popular definition of a healthy relationship, especially in the 21st Century when morals and values are fast descending into the abyss and folks are trying so hard to kick God out of the scenes, I stand by it. When godly principles are considered in a relationship, every other thing like happiness, joy, communication and love naturally falls in place.

Communication, respect, consensus, being supportive to one another, time factor, etc, are some of the characteristics of a healthy relationship. Over the years, an excellent job has been done in this regard, so I'm really not gonna bore you with the same things you've gotten yourself acquainted with over the years.

I only wish to return us back to the basics. We all know how practically impossible it is to build a skyscraper on a weak foundation. In Psalms 11:3, the Bible says: "If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?". This underscores the very importance of laying the correct foundation for a thing...  This basic foundational principle for a healthy relationship isn't new. Perhaps it is so old that it might be new to us.

Having a healthy relationship starts with building your relationship on godly principles. This is the primary stage, and although this is often ignored, it is nonetheless the surest way to a healthy relationship. Creating time for one another, not compromising, being supportive and the others are all secondary.


Let's look at some practical tips that can help us have healthy relationships founded on godly principles.


1. Avoid Fantasy

Most people if asked, would deny that they'd ever had a fantasy relationship, but in this modern age of the internet and romance novels, it's never been so easy to find yourself in a crumb filled fantasy relationship.

The bad thing about fantasies is that they never get to manifest in real life; they only remain in the fantasy world.


Fantasy can lead us to choose romantic partners for the wrong reasons. And even if we choose them for all the right reasons, our devotion to our fantasies can eventually lead us to destroy any real sense of connection.

Desiring a man with the TDH (Tall Dark and Handsome) factor is good, but don't miss out on God's plan by sticking to it.


2. Avoid Pretence

What you don't want to continue don't start. A lot of couples pretend that everything is okay, or even great, in their life and/or relationship when in fact it is not. To build a healthy relationship founded on godly principles, we must be truthful and sincere.


Usually what you do in courting follows you into marriage. This is where you build your foundation.

Also, whatever you don't like in your relationship, don't endure in hope that it will change later, because it may not. Deal with it now.

Don't start off trying to be the most virtuous woman he has ever met. Be yourself. I'm not saying don't improve on yourself. I'm saying don't try being what you are not in other to impress him.



3. Sex Talk

A.) Talk About Sex

If you are old enough to get into a relationship, you are old enough to talk about it.

B.) Be Decisive

No sex before marriage. Have it established and agreed upon between both of you before you start the relationship.

I don't care how spiritual or unspiritual he is, make your stand on the matter clear from the beginning. If you shy away from it there are no rules, and if there are no rules, then anything goes.


You can go as far as saying "The day you attempt to touch me, this relationship is over!"

It is permitted.

"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4)

If you have missed it, God does not condemn you. Receive forgiveness and live right to honour God.

Most young ladies make the mistake of giving sex to keep a man. But I tell you the truth under God, A man who loves you will stay whether you give him sex or not. If he does not truly love you it does not matter how often you give sex. If he wants to leave, sex will not stop him.


I know a sad story of a lady who had dated a guy for a couple of years. She had already met his family. He started to act differently. He had been pressuring her for sex but she had been refusing. Since he began acting differently, she finally gave in. That was the end of the relationship. He ran out of the relationship as though someone was chasing him.

The point I'm trying to make is sex does not keep a man. Oh yes it doesn't. Forget about the things you see on soap operas and on novels. They should not be your model of a healthy relationship. They are just a veneer, they can't hold water.

C.) Set Healthy Boundaries

Why is this so important? You studied it in biology. It's called hormones. And as I like to say it: "don't tempt the devil". Set healthy boundaries.

No good Christian man or woman started his marriage with his mind made up to cheat and ruin his home. No Christian man or woman in a relationship planned to sin against God. Usually when you ask them they say, "I don't know how it happened."

Its very simple actually. They did not set healthy boundaries.


Below are few tips for setting healthy boundaries in a relationship.

- First Tip: no touching and kissing

This should be clearly defined. There should be no romance of any kind.

Some one once asked me, "If God's word forbids that we have sex before marriage, can we at least touch and kiss?"

My response: "No, you can not. Why go into the bathroom when you do not have any intentions to have your bath? Your presence in the bathroom shows you want to bath. Moreover, sex doesn't just happen. Sex is process. Fondling, touching and kissing are a foreplay to sex. There is a 95% chance that you will lose it. And even if you don't, the thing still remains that touching, kissing and any other form of romance are unacceptable to God, except they are done within the confines of a marriage relationship."


You see, if you indulge in this act with any normal man, he will stand at attention. This does not mean he is not born again, it only means everything is working fine. Like I said earlier, It's called hormones. Let me show you how the bible puts it.

Songs of Sol 8:4: "Swear to me, young women of Jerusalem, that you won’t awaken or arouse love before its proper time!"

As a lady, you are also not immune to this. So, here is a simple advice--- whatever you can't do in the public, don't attempt to do it in secret.

- Second tip: Movies

Strange, right? Yes!

Seeing a movie together is fine. But be careful what you see. When you go to your boyfriend's house and he plays Game of Thrones or any such movies, he is setting you up. Flee!!!
What you see, you will gravitate towards. I mean, the chances are very high that you will probably want to practice what you have seen. Avoid them. Watch Jackie Chan instead. Lol

Don't tempt d devil.

- Third tip: Being alone

Usually there is a desire to want to be alone with your lover. But be careful. The secret here is to meet outdoors more than you meet at home. If you really want to be alone, it's advisable that you use the parks, the beach, or any other outdoor center.

That way, it will be easier to ward off temptations, as you will be not be able to act out. You are in public after all.



In closing, I encourage you to trust God to keep you Holy... Trust me its not bone face. It's not will power. Rules and boundaries have their place, the grace and mercy of God also has its place. Ask God to keep you holy. Pray together to God about this.

2 Thessalonians 3:3: "But the Lord is faithful, who shall establish you and keep you from evil."

He will keep you if you ask him because He is faithful.

Though the world is descending into Sodomy each passing day, determine in your heart to be different. Determine to be among the people who bring smiles upon God's face. Determine to be among the remnant.

What would you do if you could buy and secure the future?

What would you do if you could harness the future right from the present?

What would you do if the powers of the sands of time were at your beck and call?

What would you do if I told you there is a currency for buying the future?

What would you do if you had access to this currency?

In our world of globalization, economic uncertainty, terrorism, culture clash, family disintegration, corporate distrust, youth disillusionment, political confusion and religious corruption, the wisdom to buy the future and navigate successfully through life is necessary.

We must agree that our generation lies in a skirling tide of events, dreams, promises, threats and changing ideas about the present and the future. We are at a confluence of historic tides. This confluence of strange conditions presses this generation to ask anew: "How do I secure my future? What can I do to stay afloat the conditions of the world? How do I buy the Future?"


There has never been a time when our world of today is in desperate need of securing the future as it is today.

To harness the future right from the present, we need to lay hold of only one thing. Yes! One thing--- a power of exchange--- a currency. Yes! A currency!!

And whilst the British Pounds, American Dollar, Japanese Yen, the Euro and recently the Bitcoin are all powerful means of exchange in the whole world, they are not powerful enough to buy and secure the future.

The currency I am talking about is much more valuable. It is a currency that has long existed in our world. In fact, it is as old as our planet itself. It is a currency that is readily available to both the rich and the poor. It is a currency that has made and is still making the great men and women of our time and time past. It is a currency which, although readily available to everyone, is often ignored and poorly utilized.

Thirteen years ago, a 19-years old student at Harvard got hold of this currency and invited 5 people over to his dorm room to discuss a business opportunity. Only 2 of the 5 people understood the value of this currency and showed up. Today, those two people are Billionaires: Dustin Moskovitz $9.9 Billion and Eduardo Saverin $5.8 Billion. And the guy they met that night? None other than Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook, whose current net worth is: $35.7 Billion. There's nothing more expensive than a casual knowledge of this currency. Yes! There's nothing more expensive than a missed opportunity to buy the future.

Abraham Lincoln laid hold of this currency and he used it to overcome his numerous life's difficulties. Today, he is reckoned with as one of America's greatest Presidents.

Uncle Willie who spent his early and better years on riotous living, is now old and lonely depending on welfare to survive. How did he get to this point you ask? Well, he also had this currency, but he did not utilize it properly.

Oh yes! Like every other natural currency, this one can also be abused, misused and disused.


Are there some things we do that makes us prone to success and others we do that make us prone to failure?

Some folks observe the various outcomes of life and conclude that it is all a matter of fate and destiny; that man has no control over what the final outcome will be. That is a very sad way to think. We are masters of our own destinies and faith.

So, what then is this currency and where can I get it, you ask.... It is the CURRENCY OF CHOICE and you don't need to go anywhere or do anything to acquire it, it's right there at your disposal; it has always been.... To buy, secure and harness the future right from the present, all we need to do is to properly utilize this currency.

All through history, we can observe that what distinguishes the poor from the rich, the successful from the failure, the high achiever from the mediocre, is the choices they decide to make and live by.

Man was created a free moral agent - he has the power of CHOICE. That is why the reasons people turn out differently in life is the CHOICES they make.

The quality of our choices is so important that it impacts directly on the quality of our lives. The decisions we choose to make determines our destinies.


The late Chief M. K. O Abiola in his time was a very powerful man. Under the name of "Concord", his businesses spanned across Nigeria. From hotel and tourism to aviation, print media, real estates and much more, this man was a force to be reckoned with. After his death, his children inherited the vast wealth of their father. But It wasn't long before everything crumbled to the ground. Today, Concord is no more, but only history, and the children of the late business magnate themselves have descended into oblivion.

How did it happen? I'm poised to believe that the choices they made impacted directly on the outcome of their lives and inheritance.

The future is either bought or sold by the choices of today;  but the choices you make are influenced by the paradigm you operate with. Paradigm is the form and shape of our values and beliefs. If we operate by the wrong paradigm, our choices will not come out right, and when our choices are not right there's no way we can secure the future.

While it is very true that the secret of our lives is hidden in our daily routine, I believe our routine is hidden in our choices.

In my a little over two decades here, I have seen men and women who in a bid for instant gratification have missed out on what the future holds. If our value system is bent on immediate gratification, we will miss out on the joy of passing through the processes of today and enjoying tomorrow.

I have also heard of young men and women who, in a bid to emulate their TV idols, have sold the future to enjoy the fleeting benefits of the present. Young men and women have sold their future and dignity for the acquisition of things, and are today rueing their missed chances. If you will properly spend the currency of choice at your disposal today, you will take a different path and secure your future.


How much does the future cost? Simply, the value of the future is in the eyes of the keen observer. If the future doesn't cost you, it won't pay you anything.

One of the sorest and most emotive history of African history has to do with the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade and its effect on the black race. The soreness is centered around the question of how Africans could sell their own for processed commodities from Europe?

How could our African forebears ever imagine that human life was equivalent to rums, sugar, and guns from Europe? How? Europe sold us their processed present commodities and we sold them our future. How pathetic!

Without a keen sense of history and value, we will always sell our greatest values for the fulfilment of today's demands.


To buy, secure and harness the future right from the present, we must be willing to make the choice of using our energy, skills and talents in the present to negotiate for and buy the future. We must never sell the future to buy the present.

As a 19-year old boy, Mark Zuckerberg could have been thinking and doing drugs like most young man his age, but he didn't. He saw a world that needed a platform that would "give people the power to build community to bring the world closer together", and Viola! The Facebook vision was birthed. The Facebook vision discussion was not even formal; there was no board room, no nice suit, no elegant furniture, no lawyers or special aides. It was just Mark and his two friends sitting in his dorm room and talking about revolutionalising the internet. As innocuous as the setting and circumstances were, the outcome of that short and simple encounter determined the future fortunes of these three and a great contribution to the world.

Since significant moments of history are often determined under very ordinary circumstances, shouldn't we be more serious with the currency of choice at our disposal?


If you are reading this article and you still do drugs, women, gangsterism, and other social vices, I encourage you to make the choice to be better. I encourage you to exchange the seen for the unseen. I encourage you to delay instant gratification and  trigger activities that will precipitate and secure your future. It may be difficult at first, but on the long run, you will enjoy its benefits.

The future belongs to people who use their minds to design what should happen after today. Many of today's successful people saw the future and made the choice to buy it ahead of time when others only sought comfort and observed the present.


Those who will buy the future, must use the resources and opportunities of today to negotiate for and purchase the future. They are the ones who buy the future with today's currency--- the currency of right choices.

Today, make the decision to utilize the Currency of Choice. It could be choosing to have a keen sense of true value, making right your value and belief systems, using the power of imagination, being creative in your thinking, placing more value on your future than your present, and/or cutting down your circle of friends. Whichever ministers most to you, be willing to make the choice to sell the present in order  to buy the future.

But make sure you follow through your right choices with corresponding action, for the currency of choice cannot be fully utilized and negotiated without action.

I believe in you!
Go buy and secure your future today!!

After my article on REDEFINING RELATIONSHIP, where I defined and compared different stages of relationships, in order to help us redefine basic relationship concepts and also locate where we are on the relationship ladder, I received quite a good number of private follow-up messages asking if there really was a difference between DATING and COURTING. My response to these questions is what I have compiled to create this post. I hope it sheds light and answers the questions in our hearts.

Meanwhile, if you are yet to read the post on REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS, please click here to do so>>> Redefining Relationship

So really, dating and courting are different and here is why:

1. Personality Traits

- When you date, all you are basically doing is looking for someone that fits your ideal type of man or woman; you look for personality traits that you value. Here, you check if your value systems are in sync. You also check if your beliefs are not contrary to each other. In the area of purpose, you also check if you are both willing to accept, support and cheer each other's life assignments.

A scenario is I meet a girl who I think is a good match for me. I be with her to access on the surface level if we are a good match for each other. When we don't seem to click with each other, I leave her but maintain the good relationship, and then pray and set my watch for another person. Seriously, there is no point going into courtship with someone you don't blend with.

- Courting however is different. Okay, so I have dated a girl, our personalities on the surface level are in sync. Then we decide to actually get to know each other more deeper; we start a relationship, we spend more time together, we go out, we go to the movies, etc. We begin to plan our future together and consider marriage, if possible.



2. Emotional Attachment

- Contrary to what the world has sold to us about self gratification, dating does not have any form of emotional attachment or sexual contact of any kind or form.

The truth is, in our today's world, the term dating has become really ambiguous. Some celebrities and other top figures keep redefining this term everyday to pander to their indiscretions. But In actual dating, there isn't any emotional attachment because you are just assessing; what you do here is to talk and get to know each other. It is not the time to get to know how good they are on the bed.

Hence, if is imperative that couples in a dating relationship are careful, so that physical intimacy doesn't precedes commitment.

- In courtship however, you are emotionally invested, but without sexual contact, in the relationship. At this stage, you are spending more time together and also planning your future together, as well as considering marriage.

Like dating, what you do in the season of courtship is also communication, not touching, fondling or romance. Physical intimacy comes last in a relationship.

A courting couple can evade numerous temptations by the choice to be held accountable to God-given authorities. The dangers of defrauding can be avoided more successfully, and an honest, open friendship can be nurtured and protected. When this is done, commitment can more easily precede intimacy.



3. Time

- Usually, dating is short and doesn't take long. Both people in the dating relationship know that it may not last long. I usually advice one or two months to get to know the man or woman.

- Courtship on the other hand, generally takes long. Couples who are courting know that they will continue to see one another for a longer period of time. They engage in the same activities as a dating couple, but their courtship doesn't stop after just a few dates.

Some people court for like eight years before they get married. Well, good for them... But personally, I am of the opinion that courtship should not drag beyond two years. The temptation of defrauding is usually lesser. More so, why court them for that long when they aren't 'Lord of the Rings'. Lol



4. Accountability to Authorities

- In dating, there is little (if any) accountability for the couple and little or no interaction with family members. The dating couple is merely attracted to one another in some way and often pursues an exclusive relationship that is independent of others’ influence or counsel.

- A couple participating in courtship seeks the accountability of their parents, mentors and/or spiritual leaders.

By receiving the support and guidance of others, they are strengthened to maintain their commitment to purity.



5. Purpose of the Relationship

The main difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time with a potential marriage partner.

- Again, because of the lies the world has sold us, most times men and women who want to remain in the stage of dating often have no commitment to consider marrying the other person. Maturity and readiness for marriage are not considerations. Instead, people usually date with the selfish goals of having fun and enjoying romantic attachments.

- In contrast, courtship is undertaken only when both parties are prepared to make a commitment to marriage.

Dating tries to answer the question, How can I find the one who will make me happy?

Courtship strives to answer the question, How can I honor God and discern His direction regarding my life partner?


Thank you for reading. Be on the lookout for another relationship post next Saturday.

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Have a beautiful weekend!