5 REASONS WHY DATING IS NOT THE SAME AS COURTING

After my article on REDEFINING RELATIONSHIP, where I defined and compared different stages of relationships, in order to help us redefine basic relationship concepts and also locate where we are on the relationship ladder, I received quite a good number of private follow-up messages asking if there really was a difference between DATING and COURTING. My response to these questions is what I have compiled to create this post. I hope it sheds light and answers the questions in our hearts.

Meanwhile, if you are yet to read the post on REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS, please click here to do so>>> Redefining Relationship

So really, dating and courting are different and here is why:

1. Personality Traits

- When you date, all you are basically doing is looking for someone that fits your ideal type of man or woman; you look for personality traits that you value. Here, you check if your value systems are in sync. You also check if your beliefs are not contrary to each other. In the area of purpose, you also check if you are both willing to accept, support and cheer each other's life assignments.

A scenario is I meet a girl who I think is a good match for me. I be with her to access on the surface level if we are a good match for each other. When we don't seem to click with each other, I leave her but maintain the good relationship, and then pray and set my watch for another person. Seriously, there is no point going into courtship with someone you don't blend with.

- Courting however is different. Okay, so I have dated a girl, our personalities on the surface level are in sync. Then we decide to actually get to know each other more deeper; we start a relationship, we spend more time together, we go out, we go to the movies, etc. We begin to plan our future together and consider marriage, if possible.

2. Emotional Attachment

- Contrary to what the world has sold to us about self gratification, dating does not have any form of emotional attachment or sexual contact of any kind or form.

The truth is, in our today's world, the term dating has become really ambiguous. Some celebrities and other top figures keep redefining this term everyday to pander to their indiscretions. But In actual dating, there isn't any emotional attachment because you are just assessing; what you do here is to talk and get to know each other. It is not the time to get to know how good they are on the bed.

Hence, if is imperative that couples in a dating relationship are careful, so that physical intimacy doesn't precedes commitment.

- In courtship however, you are emotionally invested, but without sexual contact, in the relationship. At this stage, you are spending more time together and also planning your future together, as well as considering marriage.

Like dating, what you do in the season of courtship is also communication, not touching, fondling or romance. Physical intimacy comes last in a relationship.

A courting couple can evade numerous temptations by the choice to be held accountable to God-given authorities. The dangers of defrauding can be avoided more successfully, and an honest, open friendship can be nurtured and protected. When this is done, commitment can more easily precede intimacy.

3. Time

- Usually, dating is short and doesn't take long. Both people in the dating relationship know that it may not last long. I usually advice one or two months to get to know the man or woman.

- Courtship on the other hand, generally takes long. Couples who are courting know that they will continue to see one another for a longer period of time. They engage in the same activities as a dating couple, but their courtship doesn't stop after just a few dates.

Some people court for like eight years before they get married. Well, good for them... But personally, I am of the opinion that courtship should not drag beyond two years. The temptation of defrauding is usually lesser. More so, why court them for that long when they aren't 'Lord of the Rings'. Lol

4. Accountability to Authorities

- In dating, there is little (if any) accountability for the couple and little or no interaction with family members. The dating couple is merely attracted to one another in some way and often pursues an exclusive relationship that is independent of others’ influence or counsel.

- A couple participating in courtship seeks the accountability of their parents, mentors and/or spiritual leaders.

By receiving the support and guidance of others, they are strengthened to maintain their commitment to purity.

5. Purpose of the Relationship

The main difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time with a potential marriage partner.

- Again, because of the lies the world has sold us, most times men and women who want to remain in the stage of dating often have no commitment to consider marrying the other person. Maturity and readiness for marriage are not considerations. Instead, people usually date with the selfish goals of having fun and enjoying romantic attachments.

- In contrast, courtship is undertaken only when both parties are prepared to make a commitment to marriage.

Dating tries to answer the question, How can I find the one who will make me happy?

Courtship strives to answer the question, How can I honor God and discern His direction regarding my life partner?

Thank you for reading. Be on the lookout for another relationship post next Saturday.

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Have a beautiful weekend!