I think it's a pretty safe assumption to say that we all desire to have a relationship that is filled with happiness, joy, and — most importantly — love.
Unfortunately, for many of us, we’ve been exposed to so many unhealthy relationships in our lives that we don’t know what a truly healthy relationship even looks and feels like.
A healthy relationship is one that is founded on godly principles... And while this is not a very popular definition of a healthy relationship, especially in the 21st Century when morals and values are fast descending into the abyss and folks are trying so hard to kick God out of the scenes, I stand by it. When godly principles are considered in a relationship, every other thing like happiness, joy, communication and love naturally falls in place.
I only wish to return us back to the basics. We all know how practically impossible it is to build a skyscraper on a weak foundation. In Psalms 11:3, the Bible says: "If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?". This underscores the very importance of laying the correct foundation for a thing... This basic foundational principle for a healthy relationship isn't new. Perhaps it is so old that it might be new to us.
Having a healthy relationship starts with building your relationship on godly principles. This is the primary stage, and although this is often ignored, it is nonetheless the surest way to a healthy relationship. Creating time for one another, not compromising, being supportive and the others are all secondary.
Let's look at some practical tips that can help us have healthy relationships founded on godly principles.
1. Avoid Fantasy
Most people if asked, would deny that they'd ever had a fantasy relationship, but in this modern age of the internet and romance novels, it's never been so easy to find yourself in a crumb filled fantasy relationship.
The bad thing about fantasies is that they never get to manifest in real life; they only remain in the fantasy world.
Fantasy can lead us to choose romantic partners for the wrong reasons. And even if we choose them for all the right reasons, our devotion to our fantasies can eventually lead us to destroy any real sense of connection.
Desiring a man with the TDH (Tall Dark and Handsome) factor is good, but don't miss out on God's plan by sticking to it.
2. Avoid Pretence
What you don't want to continue don't start. A lot of couples pretend that everything is okay, or even great, in their life and/or relationship when in fact it is not. To build a healthy relationship founded on godly principles, we must be truthful and sincere.
Usually what you do in courting follows you into marriage. This is where you build your foundation.
Also, whatever you don't like in your relationship, don't endure in hope that it will change later, because it may not. Deal with it now.
Don't start off trying to be the most virtuous woman he has ever met. Be yourself. I'm not saying don't improve on yourself. I'm saying don't try being what you are not in other to impress him.
3. Sex Talk
A.) Talk About Sex
If you are old enough to get into a relationship, you are old enough to talk about it.
B.) Be Decisive
No sex before marriage. Have it established and agreed upon between both of you before you start the relationship.
I don't care how spiritual or unspiritual he is, make your stand on the matter clear from the beginning. If you shy away from it there are no rules, and if there are no rules, then anything goes.
You can go as far as saying "The day you attempt to touch me, this relationship is over!"
It is permitted.
"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4)
If you have missed it, God does not condemn you. Receive forgiveness and live right to honour God.
Most young ladies make the mistake of giving sex to keep a man. But I tell you the truth under God, A man who loves you will stay whether you give him sex or not. If he does not truly love you it does not matter how often you give sex. If he wants to leave, sex will not stop him.
I know a sad story of a lady who had dated a guy for a couple of years. She had already met his family. He started to act differently. He had been pressuring her for sex but she had been refusing. Since he began acting differently, she finally gave in. That was the end of the relationship. He ran out of the relationship as though someone was chasing him.
The point I'm trying to make is sex does not keep a man. Oh yes it doesn't. Forget about the things you see on soap operas and on novels. They should not be your model of a healthy relationship. They are just a veneer, they can't hold water.
C.) Set Healthy Boundaries
Why is this so important? You studied it in biology. It's called hormones. And as I like to say it: "don't tempt the devil". Set healthy boundaries.
No good Christian man or woman started his marriage with his mind made up to cheat and ruin his home. No Christian man or woman in a relationship planned to sin against God. Usually when you ask them they say, "I don't know how it happened."
Its very simple actually. They did not set healthy boundaries.
Below are few tips for setting healthy boundaries in a relationship.
- First Tip: no touching and kissing
This should be clearly defined. There should be no romance of any kind.
Some one once asked me, "If God's word forbids that we have sex before marriage, can we at least touch and kiss?"
My response: "No, you can not. Why go into the bathroom when you do not have any intentions to have your bath? Your presence in the bathroom shows you want to bath. Moreover, sex doesn't just happen. Sex is process. Fondling, touching and kissing are a foreplay to sex. There is a 95% chance that you will lose it. And even if you don't, the thing still remains that touching, kissing and any other form of romance are unacceptable to God, except they are done within the confines of a marriage relationship."
You see, if you indulge in this act with any normal man, he will stand at attention. This does not mean he is not born again, it only means everything is working fine. Like I said earlier, It's called hormones. Let me show you how the bible puts it.
Songs of Sol 8:4: "Swear to me, young women of Jerusalem, that you won’t awaken or arouse love before its proper time!"
As a lady, you are also not immune to this. So, here is a simple advice--- whatever you can't do in the public, don't attempt to do it in secret.
- Second tip: Movies
Strange, right? Yes!
Seeing a movie together is fine. But be careful what you see. When you go to your boyfriend's house and he plays Game of Thrones or any such movies, he is setting you up. Flee!!!
Don't tempt d devil.
- Third tip: Being alone
Usually there is a desire to want to be alone with your lover. But be careful. The secret here is to meet outdoors more than you meet at home. If you really want to be alone, it's advisable that you use the parks, the beach, or any other outdoor center.
That way, it will be easier to ward off temptations, as you will be not be able to act out. You are in public after all.
In closing, I encourage you to trust God to keep you Holy... Trust me its not bone face. It's not will power. Rules and boundaries have their place, the grace and mercy of God also has its place. Ask God to keep you holy. Pray together to God about this.
2 Thessalonians 3:3: "But the Lord is faithful, who shall establish you and keep you from evil."
He will keep you if you ask him because He is faithful.
Though the world is descending into Sodomy each passing day, determine in your heart to be different. Determine to be among the people who bring smiles upon God's face. Determine to be among the remnant.
This is wonderful Sir. This generation need some eye-opening direction in contextual situations as this.
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