THE MIXTURE

I fell again the third time, this time, with my face on the ground. I struggled to get up, but I couldn't. It was in the middle of the night, and no one except me, knew the hard time I was going through in my room. The night was full of fury and agony. I cried silently. I was too ashamed to tell anybody what I had done. In my lonely room, I cried. The room seemed to give me an attentive ear. It gave me the convenience to pour out my heart.  I felt it could hear the voice of my prayers.

I tried to stand again, but I couldn't.  The pains from my lower abdomen felt like somebody had breach the connection between my abdominal cord and my life. The pain was so furious, I couldn't understand why. I had never felt such pain before, It was worst a thousand times than the menstrual pain. Even child birth was nothing close to it.

I cried still, the bed could not contain me, so I rolled to the ground. The ground too felt cold, and it pierced hard into my skin. It was not helping my situation. I needed warmth, but I couldn't find one. I felt abandoned. But, just when I rested on the ground, the pains left me. I felt relieved. Just when I was about saying a prayer of relief, it started again.

READ ALSO: HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

I cried my eyes out. I cried like a baby. The pain became stronger than I expected. It became unbearable. I pinched my mattress hard as if it would free me of the pain, but it wouldn't.  I cried the more, but quieter. I could not tell anyone. I was afraid of the reaction I would get  in return. The pain got angrier, it was waging a war from the inside, but the angrier it was, the more I regretted my actions. "What I felt was hidden would now be seen in broad day light" I thought.

I held my peace. I could feel my heartbeat; it was pumping hard and fast, but I lay still on the ground as though, if I moved, it will alter the reaction. Just when it was quiet enough, I saw my life flash before my eyes.

He was the only boyfriend I ever had. I gave him my love and my all. I loved him desperately, so I was ready to make any sacrifice for that love. I gave him my body, in exchange for his faithfulness. I didn't want much in a man; silver, gold or diamonds were easily affordable and disposable, all I wanted was a man who gave me his confidence, a man who was ready to give up all he had for me, and me too, for him.

But I was too foolish of myself to get carried away by mere feelings coupled with emotions. He lied to me, he broke his promises. You see, you test a good man by how much he can stay. You test a good thing by how much it can last.

But he did the unthinkable. Yes! The unthinkable --- He left!!! The moment I broke the news to him, I could see contempt and agitation written all over his face, but he said nothing. He waited for me to finish, and the moment I was done speaking, the last and only word he said was, "Get rid of it!" And that was the last time I heard from him; he disappeared into thin air. I just couldn't imagine how and why he could do that!

I couldn't risk the chance of nurturing a child soon.  I was not ready, I needed to balance my life first. I dreamt of a kind of life; the "graduate-get-a-job" kind of life. But all of those dreams was seeming to be a fairy tale.

I couldn't stand the disappointments from my parent. What about the criticisms from the society? The church, at school.... everywhere! I was not ready to make myself a laughing stock.

LOOKING TO HARNESS THE FUTURE RIGHT FROM THE PRESENT? HOW TO BUY THE FUTURE WILL SHOW YOU HOW.

No girl dreams to have a bulgy stomach out of wedlock. I was so afraid to discuss it with anyone. But then, an idea popped into my head. It seemed to be the only option to free me from the bad news. An idea that would change my life forever.

I decided to try the traditional method. It seemed to be the cheaper, faster and easier method. No injections or tablets, only herbs. I felt convinced it would work. I just wanted to deal with the problem once and for all. I did the mixtures myself after taking serious tutor from the herbalist. It smelt bad... as if I was going to choke, but that wasn't my concern, I could endure the smell.

I lost count of the mixtures. Most of them I couldn't identify. It tasted hot and sharp. I imagined how girls felt convenient taking these mixtures on several occasions.  If I had my way, I wouldn't take it, but unfortunately, that was the only choice I had.

The only way I could eventually take the mixture was to block my nostrils with two fingers from one hand, so that the odour does not discourage me. I eventually gulped the mixtures as fast as I could, at the count of three. It had the most awful taste. Even the alcohol added to it did not reduce the bad taste. It tasted bad, I nearly threw up. But I've been warned by the herbalist not to, or I'll start the process again. The moment was sour.  The herbalist who sold the herb promised it would work faster and conveniently on empty stomach, which I did.

It wasn't up to five minutes after I took the herb, that my stomach started rumbling. It felt like there was a clash of the titans in my stomach. The herbalist actually told me to expect that, so I wasn't too worried. I waited patiently. I waited and waited but the rumbling did not stop. I started stooling. I ran to the toilet. I ran there again and again. Then I felt weak. Just when the toilet had drain everything from me, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach.

The pain continued for like thirty minutes, after taking the mixtures. I endured the pain, but I promised myself that once I got out of the situation, I'd never smell a man near me, not to talk of getting pregnant. While waiting for the whole process to come to an end, I realized that all the while I got myself into the mess, my conscience did not judge me. I felt sad. I had already sold my soul to the devil. My conscience was dead. Why wouldn't it occur to me that I'm attempting the murder of a child? That wasn't my problem as at the moment, my problem was inside of me, and I needed to get rid of it. I was still lost in thought when I was hit by another sharp pain. And that was how I fell to the ground.

So, in that room. I felt hell on earth. The pain kept increasing by the moment. I started sweating profusely. My head ached, I felt disturbed and uneasy. My body was not at rest. The pain was so unbearable. I kept enduring. It was since 12:00am when I took the mixtures that night, and even till 2:15am at the moment, I had not gotten any rest. My eyes were wide opened.  Sleep ran out of my eyes that night. While everyone where resting, I was restless. It made me sad the more. I cursed the day I had sex with him.

The sweat increased.  All of the pains I bared alone. I was told it was okay to terminate a pregnancy I wasn't ready for, but "Nobody ever told me that terminating a pregnancy was this difficult", I muttered. I wish I did not get pregnant in the first place.

I gnash my teeth hard to hold the pain, but it could not contain me. After stooling and throwing up for the third time. I felt light and empty. I was weak too. Then all of a sudden, I started bleeding. I bled all over. The blood looked thick and dark. It was so painful. I had to change my under wear and attach a sanitary pad. The whole thing suddenly started happening fast. I needed help. I was extremely helpless, but I had to do it myself.

I bled so much I had to change the sanitary pad four times in thirty minutes. Afterwards, I had to attach two sanitary pad at once. I could not contain myself. I was so afraid.

The kind of blow that hit me from the inside the last time made me scream. I screamed at the top of my voice that I couldn't hold back the noise. I called out for mum. I called and cried hoping someone would hear me.  I shouted and rolled on the floor. I could not stand up. I kept crying and screaming. The pain and the blow kept coming at the same time. My feet began to shiver, the palms of my hands felt cold. For a second, I felt numb too. It was as if I had partial stroke.

I screamed the third time, this time with my hands held firmly to my stomach. It continued with its blows. The bleeding did not stop. I felt it pumping out of my system like a gushing water. I couldn't control it. Just then, Mum ran in. I felt totally numb on the ground. She ran close to where I was, I tried to speak, but I couldn't.  She tried to lift me up, but when she did, my feet could not hold me. I could see her helpless, she was saying things I couldn't recognize. She found the remnants of the mixtures beside my bed. I could see the shock on her face.

Mum was running to and fro. She took her phone, and seemed to be dialing numbers. She ran back to me. Held me close to her chest and wept. I wanted to weep with her, but just then, everything suddenly started moving slowly..... then blurry.... and cold.

READ ALSO: 5 REASONS WHY DATING IS NOT THE SAME AS COURTING

I tried to speak again, but I couldn't. My throat felt as though it was tied.  I could not move, I was nailed to the ground. Everything seemed to be fading away. I started feeling sleepy, but mum was shaking me, she was preventing me. My eyes were heavy. I really needed the sleep, seeing that all through the night, I could not find one. I tried to open my eyes, but I could not fight it. Everything became slow, suddenly, it became quiet, and then it became dark.

I did not see or hear anything any more. Everything suddenly felt quiet. I was passing away. And then, it was over.

Thou daughter of priestly, has it occurred to you that you just committed murder, in cold blood? What you have done has caused a stigma in your generation. You may not escape the consequences after all. But think about the curse reigned upon the unborn.

Terminating a pregnancy no matter how early sets you at risk. It's always a 50-50 chance or both. The line between life and death is so thin and transparent.

Thou daughter of Adam, don't do it when you know you shouldn't. Waiting is not a disease. Why you have sexual urge and stimulations explains how active your sexual life is. If only you can wait, you'll prevent a lot of "unforseen" accidents.

Say No to pre-marital sex!
Say No to pregnancy out of wedlock!!
Say No to Abortion!!!


DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Events and incidents are products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.


READ ALSO: THE MIDNIGHT VISITOR